How to Deal with Jealousy/How to Make One Jealous/boyfriends ex


First of all, i am a 36 year old female. My boyfriend of almost four months, has an ex girlfriend he works with, formerly lived with four years ago, that is now a close friend to him. He says at the end of their relationship, they were sleeping in separate beds...the breakup was initiated by her, yet mutual. He wants me to become friends with her, but, to be honest, before i knew they had dated, i thought she was the weirdest person i had ever met. (Told me a story about getting high, going to a restaurant and not knowing her pet rat was in her bra til it peed all over her).  I am her polar opposite. He keeps saying she needs another friend badly.  He mentioned a conversation shE had with him recently about how she should shape
Her pubic area and how he shapes his. I don't feel threatened, but, i am blunt, i asked him flat out, if he was trying to make me jealous. I won't do or play games. I love him, and he knows i will drop him and flat out if he tries. This girl on the other hand, i feel is zeroing in. I truly don't think he sees it. But, she calls him all the time, and occasionally brings her up. Now she has invited herself to a weekly event he hosts. She hasn't came yet, but probably will next week. I can play normal, but have this image in my head of up and leaving. She makes me nauseous i can't see how he went from a serious relationship with her, to one with me.  I can't wrap my head around it. I am not sure what im asking, but i need some feedback on how i should be feeling. He wants me to be friends with her. If i was ever sure of anything, that's one thing that's foe certain will never happen. He chalks it up to me being insecure, primarily because it took me months to know i loved him. It took him a few weeks. I know this was smart on my part not acting in haste, he said he just knew, which is ok, but yes, i did watch his every move for months, to be sure he wasn't playing games....anyway...the girl, i just wish she would poof away...if she displays body language toward him next week, should i check her? Or break up with him, im just in no mood for jealousy in a relationship, and i never have been, and i have never been one to offer ultimatums....i need to know if in over reacting, or what?


What you feel is perfectly understandable. While it's hard for me to assess the situation without having a personal experience of it, your boyfriend should respect your feelings and see where you are coming from too. Being friends with your ex is fine, but being that close and going that far to see each other that often is bound to irritate you. He needs to know. Ask him how he would feel if he was in your shoes, and maybe that will give him a better perspective on where you are coming from.  
You are insecure but for a good reason. It's not rare that the exes who are near each other all the time fall back into being intimate again. If he still has feelings for her, then he should figure out who he wants to be with first. If he doesn't, and if your concerns are unfounded, he still should respect how it makes you feel. You can't ask him not to be friends with her, but you can talk about setting boundries that work for everyone.



How to Deal with Jealousy/How to Make One Jealous

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I can answer questions regarding how to deal with one's own jealousy and how to deal with the jealosy of the partner / lover and how you can liberate yourself from this destructive emotion. Learn more about me and my work at


I overcome serious jealousy issues with conscious work and effort, and that was a very liberating experience. I also helped several people to abandon their jealous behavior and line of thinking.

M.A. in Philosophy

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