How to Deal with Jealousy/How to Make One Jealous/Unneccesary Jealousy


First, I should give a little background to better explain how I became the person I am today. I never used to be the jealous type until I met my ex-husband. we were married and had just had a baby when I found out he was having an affair on me, with not just one woman but five. I left him and stayed single for almost a year, thinking that would give me the time to repair what had been broken in me during our marriage. I honestly did think that I was over it, I don't hate him and I know that not all men are cheaters.

I have since started dating again and it seems like I am fine for awhile but then something triggers in the relationship and I become overwhelmingly jealous which ends the relationship. It usually starts out with the guys having female friends and I become angry about it and continue to nag at them until we finally just split up. I have unrealistic expectations in relationships, and if I am going to be completely honest, I want to be the ONLY woman they talk to. I know that's not realistic and its actually very hypocritical because I have many male friends.

I have recently started dating someone and before dating he was very upfront with the fact that most of his friends are women and that he openly flirts with them. I figured I would give it a try, mostly because I never used to be jealous and I desperately want to be that way again, but it only lasted a month before my jealousy took an all time leap into ridiculousness. He gets along wonderfully with my best friend (who is more like my sister) and she asked for his phone number and I felt comfortable giving it to her. Since then, he messages her more than he messages me. He tells her things but doesn't tell me and I honestly feel this overwhelming pressure on my chest every time they talk because I feel like he is more interested in her than he is me. I trust her to not do anything but I still cannot help the feelings I have.

I have explained to him my feelings and he has said numerous times that he isn't interested in her, he just wants to get along with her because she is the most important person in my life, and that regardless of who he flirts with, its me he wants to come home to. I agree with that, that is exactly how I used to think but it still bothers me and I am so tired of it bothering me!

Please help me figure out where the problem lies and how to fix it. I miss the old me, the one that trusted people in relationships and wanted my boyfriends to get along with my best friend. It seems like anymore, I would rather they not like each other for fear of him being more attracted to her than me (which I might add, I have NO basis for having this fear). I trust my best friend, I just need to learn to trust men and to love myself again.

Please help me!


The fact that you recognize that you have a jealousy issue is an important first step.
The next step should be for you to remember that you should not fall victim to your own past, and not let the previous bad experiences assume that your present and future will be the same.   
If you don't have actual reason to not trust your current partner and if he has been straightforward with you all alone, this is admirable and should be appreciated.

Also, please read this article for further advice on dealing with jealousy (written by me).

How to Deal with Jealousy/How to Make One Jealous

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I can answer questions regarding how to deal with one's own jealousy and how to deal with the jealosy of the partner / lover and how you can liberate yourself from this destructive emotion. Learn more about me and my work at


I overcome serious jealousy issues with conscious work and effort, and that was a very liberating experience. I also helped several people to abandon their jealous behavior and line of thinking.

M.A. in Philosophy

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