About PracticalHappiness.com Expertise I can answer questions regarding how to deal with one's own jealousy and how to deal with the jealosy of the partner / lover and how you can liberate yourself from this destructive emotion.
Learn more about me and my work at www.PracticalHappiness.com
Experience I overcome serious jealousy issues with conscious work and effort, and that was a very liberating experience. I also helped several people to abandon their jealous behavior and line of thinking.
Question I am a 20 year old guy about to turn 21. I've been seeing this girl, who's a couple of months older than me, for 4 months now and I have never felt that way for any other girl before. I love her a lot and I'm sure she feels the same way. But I have major issues with a couple of things. I dont know why but i have this tendancy to get jealous. She's an attractive girl(and i keep telling her that) and she doesnt have many girlfriends and has mostly guy friends. I think i have low self esteem and tend to get jealous as i feel im not very good looking or have 'sex appeal' to put it that way. The problem I have is that she constantly keeps telling me which guys she finds Hot and Very Good Looking while she hardly ever compliments me. She even finds my brother very 'cute'. That has put me in a precarious position because whenever I am with her i am not very confident and feel insecure.
I have tried talking to her about this and only then does she tell me that she "IS attracted to me ". I guess thats less than what i'd like to hear and i dont know if she says it only to not make me feel bad. I have lost confidence in the way i look because of this and I dont know why that has started affecting me. Before that there were some girls , not many, who did find me attractive and really liked me. But I would definitely want this girl to find me attractive, not them, especially when she talks like that about them and uses those different adjectives for them. I'm sure you know how I feel. Don't get me wrong though im sure of the fact that she has very strong feelings for me and I trust her completely.
I'd apprecitate all the help i can get as i dont want to spoil this beautiful relationship. Thanks a lot.
Answer Hey, Sean. Thanks for your question. It's an important one.
Asking a woman to reassure you that she is attracted to you is one of the most unattractive things you can do. It goes against the very important notion of showing confidence and self-esteem - the most admirable qualities in a man from a woman's stand point. She is with you - this should speak louder tahn words.
There is no person who everybody finds attractive. You are an exception - you will people who find you attractive, plain or unattractive - it's perfectly normal. If you know that she has strong feelings for you and she shows it through her actions, this should be more than enough for you to know that she finds you attractive as a man.
So, stop asking her to reassure you that she likes you and instead enjoy how she shows that in her own special ways.
