Expert: Jennifer - 7/29/2003

Question
I would really like to know how to deal with my jelousy and weather the amount of jelousy i now feel constitues counsilling.

I have been single for awhile and have always had a massive crush on this one girl. I am european and she is fiji-indian. We came to a head one day and feel in love with each other. There is nothing wrong with our relationship except for the fact I get jelous and I have tried to hide it from her. She thinks its cute for me to be jelous cause she knows for sure that i reaaly carefor her. and her, herself gets jelous as well and i treat it the same way she does for me. But i can never shake the feeling and would really like to. I know i can trust her but as i have been hurt a few times in the past my mind keeps thinking the worst at every oportunity it gets. She does not deserve to be accused of anything and i hate myself for feeling this way. What is the best thing for me to do?

Answer
Hi Brad,

You need to get in peace with the past here. Learn how to trust someone again. Otherwise you'll never be happy in any relationship.
I can't tell you wether or not you need counseling.
That depends on how much you've been hurted in the past.
If you feel stong about this jealousy, then talk to her, tell her about your past, maybe you'll feel better after this.
But most likely, you will need help from a professional. This person will help you deal with the past and that is what you need. The only question here is can you deal with it on your own, together with your girlfriend or do you need professional help for this?

Hope this heped you making up your mind.
Jennifer