About PracticalHappiness.com Expertise I can answer questions regarding how to deal with one's own jealousy and how to deal with the jealosy of the partner / lover and how you can liberate yourself from this destructive emotion.
Learn more about me and my work at www.PracticalHappiness.com
Experience I overcome serious jealousy issues with conscious work and effort, and that was a very liberating experience. I also helped several people to abandon their jealous behavior and line of thinking.
Question So i recently graduated high school and during my years in high school i was dating a girl for a little of 2 years. things were great and u know i really thought that she was the one. See im hispanic and my parents are totally ok with me dating her. on the other hand she is asian and is raised by to very uptight parents who only want her to focus on school. u know the steriotypical asian parents. but my ex for the most part was ok with keeping it a secret. well to make a long story short, the day i graduated everything turned to crap, my girlfriend broke up with me, and u know i tried everything to get her back. some of the reasons she broke of with me were because i was to controlling, to overprotective, and she just got tired of lying to her mom all the time. i totally understood her reasons and after a while i just stopped talking to heer. i left know that she was a smart girl who would make real smart decisions in life. this all changed within a matterr of seconds. its only been 3 months since our break up and already she has a new boyfriend. theyve been dating for a month now and nothing makes sense. before she ever had a boyfriend she was scared at the thought of having one. u got to understand i was her first everything, and same for me as well. and now shes become this stuck up, blind girl who just makes decisions that this once wise girl would never of done. its like she went from being the wisest girl ever to become this valley girl who only seeks artificial happiness. so yea im having trouble coping with this, first the idea of her being in the arms of another guy and two, simply the fact that this girl has lowered all her standards, morals and values and just wants to be like everyone else, she wants to be like those ppl that just sleep around and dont give any deep thought and consideration to the choices that she makes. please help me out here, im starting to lose it. any words of advice? sorry if this is long and a cliche story of a teen in love only to end in a tragedy of heartbreak. i know life moves on but i need advice for now, so please dont tell me things like "you'll get over it" "life goes on" "things will get better". i know all that all ready, but i need advise for now please. thank you.
p.s. i dont mean to sound pushy or bossy either its just i have no one to talk to about this, and im just desperate for advise.
Answer Hey, Jeo. First I must comment on your writing. Such an ability to communicate is impressive for anyone. For a high school graduate, it's unprecedented!
To your issue -
Your pain is TYPICAL of losing first love and it's inevitable. It's part of growing up, maturing and developing that strength which is necessary to deal with these kinds of issues and it's part of the dating game. The good news is that losing first love hurts the most and every future break-up will be easier to overcome.
Indeed, as others pointed out, you need TIME to get over it.
So, why did the girl choose the "wrong" path. Jeo, I would like to remind you that there is a difference between being smart and having independent mind that tells you who and what you should follow and what you shouldn't. You are bright, unusually bright to realize what you do, but ... most people at your age have the so-called identity crisis that lasts for years. They try all kinds of things, they try to belong to all kinds of groups based on different things. They see what's "cool" on TV and try to adopt it to their lifestyle. Your ex is no different.
But guess what - IT'S NOT YOUR JOB NOR IS IT IN YOUR POWERS to change that. Chosing the right or the wrong direction comes from within and ... you have neither power nor authority to change that in that girl. Wondering about her choices will be a waste of time at this moment and your energy will be much better spent pursuing other things and other women.
I would like to put an additional positive spin on this situation that you must not overlook and remind you that you are much better of discovering this about a person earlier than later, so consider yourself lucky that you didn't go further in a relationship before you found out that she is not quite mature enough to tell the right from wrong.
The bottom line is this: your concern for her recent behavior and choices is a waste of energy and emotions. You must, must, must RISE ABOVE IT, be patient, let time elapse and focus diligently on other things in your life. The pain will not go away overnight, but it WILL go away. It always does.
Please don't consider your relationship a waste of time. You enjoyed it as long as it lasted and you should perceive it as a valuable lesson for your future.
Thanks, and I hope this helps. If not, please follow up.
And don't forget to rate me.
A.I.
www.practicalhappiness.com
Revolution in Dating & Relationships Advice
