About PracticalHappiness.com Expertise I can answer questions regarding how to deal with one's own jealousy and how to deal with the jealosy of the partner / lover and how you can liberate yourself from this destructive emotion.
Learn more about me and my work at www.PracticalHappiness.com
Experience I overcome serious jealousy issues with conscious work and effort, and that was a very liberating experience. I also helped several people to abandon their jealous behavior and line of thinking.
Question Hey Arkady, thanks for taking time to read my problem. My fiancee Sarah and I have been together for 15 months now, engaged for about 9 months. She worked at this retail store where her hours were always changing. The thing I hated about this place was the fact that she was the only girl there. There was this guy there that just looked like Sarah's type. I could just tell that he really had the hots for her, and it irritated the hell out of me. Anyways, she got a new job which is in the same building that I work in, just downstairs. There is other girls there which makes me feel better. My problem is her supervisor is this really good looking guy. I'm secure enough to realize that another guy is good looking. Sarah told me about him saying, and I quote, "well, he is perfect looking, almost too perfect...like a ken doll, he looks like he is made of plastic". She later said that she can see why girls would be all over him. I straight up asked her if she thought he was hot, and she said no. She said that imperfection is beautiful. Well, in my mind, I was convinced that she did find him attractive and just didn't want to hurt my feelings. So I go downstairs to the bathroom and walk by where her desk is. 4 times out of 5 this guy will be leaning over her showing her something on her computer. I know that he is training her, but still, he is always there near her. I sit up in my office and am miserable all day thinking about how those two are so close. Every morning she dresses all nice and puts on this perfume, and I can't help but think its for this other guy. I'm not bad looking myself, but this guy is a better looking dude than me, I admit that. How do I get rid of this feeling I have? It is such a waste of time and its going to ruin my relationship eventually. We are getting married this time next year and we won't make it unless I trust her. HELP!!!
Answer Hey, Benjamin. Thanks for your question. It's a very important one.
This situation grants you an opportunity - to come across as a little man or as a big man.
A little man will get all jealous and frustrated with the situation, being concerned about his girlfriend's behavior and that other guy.
The big man is confident in himself and his relationship and he assumes the best until and unless he has reason to suspect otherwise. The big man is not afraid of losing a woman becuase... if anything happens and she walks away.... good for him. He wasted less time and... they were not meant to be together. He realizes this even though he hopes to have a great relationship with a woman but this line of thinking keeps his fear of loss at a minimum and that makes him come across as a very confident and a very attractive guy.
I really would like for you to be the big man.
Having said that, if the guy is really out of line, it's your future wife's job to address this, to call him on that and tell him that he makes her feel uncomfortable.
Your girlfriend's statements that he is attractive are nothing other than little, subconcious, playful tests that test your composure. It sounds like you handled them well.
