About PracticalHappiness.com Expertise I can answer questions regarding how to deal with one's own jealousy and how to deal with the jealosy of the partner / lover and how you can liberate yourself from this destructive emotion.
Learn more about me and my work at www.PracticalHappiness.com
Experience I overcome serious jealousy issues with conscious work and effort, and that was a very liberating experience. I also helped several people to abandon their jealous behavior and line of thinking.
Question QUESTION: my boyfriend of 3 yrs recently dumped me. he is 37 and im 25. "i dont
think i can get over it," he says. i'm having a hard time wrapping my
brain around the whole thing.
the week eluding up to the breakup:
he was upset at my justification over his friend's wife cheating on
him. we spent the night in separate beds. over the past week i carpooled
with some guy classmates. he didnt call at all that night. it appeared
that he was upset that i didnt tell him where i spent the night one
night. although i told him the following day. i was trying to spare
myself a drinking and driving lecture. he didnt call for a few days.
then the breakup.
his explaination being "I don't think I can get over it."
he called a few days later and we had a casual conversation.
immensely confused, a few days later i ambushed him at his house. he
was unshaven. he hadnt been to work. he started smoking again. i
demanded a better explaination. he simply said, "i just want to be happy
and lately when i look in the mirror im not happy with myself and us."
he insists ill be over it in no time and happily married.
is he insecure? and if so what can i do to get him back? i miss him so
much and would do anything. please unconfuse me!
-broken
ANSWER: Hi, Sarah. Thanks for your question and I am sorry about your situation. It sounds like your boyfriend's break up with you is a result of his personal issues and has nothing or little to do with you. Perhaps he doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore and he was looking for an easy way out or an excuse or... he is just not mentally stable at this point to be in a relationship.
Regardless, there is nothing you can or should do at this point. The worst thing you can do is harboring hope to get him back or reminiscing on all the good times you had together. This will do nothing but cause you more pain and frustration.
Getting over him will take time, but you must be strong.
I strongly suggest that you read my article on break-ups here:
Thanks, and I hope this helps. If not, please follow up.
A.I.
www.practicalhappiness.com
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: A.I.
thank you so much for your advice.
how can i be sure that this isnt some giant "test," one of those, "let it go, if it comes back to you then its yours" types of tests?
he always eluded to the idea that aside from my father and brothers, there should be no other men in my life. i think he hates that i like my independence and it causes him to withhold his feelings and emotions. he says it makes him feel insignificant.
is the relationship too far broken that even more reassurance wont salvage it? and if so, what can i do to further reassure him?
if not how can i still maintain a healthy friendship without torturing myself?
what to do? what to do?
despite reading your article, i still am dying to talk to him. its been 15 days and counting... im so pathetic.
Answer Hi, Sarah. Surely an article is not going to cure you in one minute. What you feel is an emotion and it takes time to get over.
Everything you say suggests one thing - in large part you are so upset because you feel that you invested in something that is about to be gone and also because you feel that he was one of a kind guy and that it's going to take a long time to find someone like him. Both of those suggestions are wrong however and you must eliminate them from your thinking in order to get over this situation quicker. Now, more than ever before, you should demonstrate strength and pride to everybody, including yourself.
Clearly, his possessiveness and insecurity make me believe that he is simply NOT RIPE for a healhty relationship and he is the one who needs help overcoming jealousy and learning how to create a true sense of significance instead of feeding off of your exclusive attention.
No matter what, you still love him and miss him but YOU MUST be strong and give it time. Break up and getting over it is part of becoming mature woman.
I would hate to see him call you in a month or so and you running back to him. Strength and pride is what you need now, and before you know it, you will meet another guy, who, although not going to be excactly the same, will be very special in his own way.
