About PracticalHappiness.com Expertise I can answer questions regarding how to deal with one's own jealousy and how to deal with the jealosy of the partner / lover and how you can liberate yourself from this destructive emotion.
Learn more about me and my work at www.PracticalHappiness.com
Experience I overcome serious jealousy issues with conscious work and effort, and that was a very liberating experience. I also helped several people to abandon their jealous behavior and line of thinking.
Question QUESTION: My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years now, we moved in together about a year ago. Since then I have noticed photo albums of his past marriage and kids. The kid photos don't really bother me however it makes me kind of jealous that he has kids with another woman because i want kids, We don't have any yet. He also has pictures of his ex-wife who left him and moved with their 2 kids to another country, for no reason supposedly. He fell into a big depression because of her taking the kids all of a sudden, which he says she told him she got bored of their marriage. this was three and a half years ago. anyway, since then he met me and and i have helped him so much, he is off the depression medication and is holding a stable job. Everything is good except the pictures of her with the kids, he even has pictures of them kissing, trips together, and even her giving birth...GROSS!! I finally got him to get rid of her stuff (kitchen stuff, purses, art, ETC) Is it normal for someone to keep pictures and things of their ex-wives, or am i just over-reacting and being jealous?
ANSWER: Hi, Elizabeth. Thanks for your question. Before I can answer it, I need to clarify a few things:
1. Does he keep those photos out in a visisble place or filed away?
2. Did you ever talk to him about the photos and try to convince him to get rid of them? If so, what result?
Let me know, and I will follow up.
A.I.
www.practicalhappiness.com
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: he keeps them filed away but just knowing that they are in "OUR" house is really bothersome. i have never brought the pictures up because i dont want him to feel like im picking on him, trying to start a fight and i dont want to fight. Everything has gotten so much better in the past month financially and relationship wise that i dont want to be picky. do you think it will hurt his feelings? now remember he's 20 years older than me so maybe its me, but then again maybe its hard for him to let her go completely...
Answer Hey, Elizabeth. Thanks for following up.
I believe it's very important that you RESPECT his past. His ex'es are his history, part of his life, especially if he has children from one or more of them. The key to overcoming this is not seeing it for more than what it is. You might consciously or unconsciously perceive those photos as a threat to your current relationship as a symbol of his continuing interest in his former partners, but you really have no reasons to fear that. Again, learn how to respect his past, and not take it for more than what it is - his past. He enjoyed his relationships as long as they lasted just as well as you probably enjoyed your relationships, and he probably wants to preserve the memory of that.
Having said that, I do believe that it's important for your to get this off your chest and share this with your partner. You don't have to make a scene out of it or a fight, but instead - come with an open heart and mind, and tell him that it bothers you but you are not sure why. If you are coming from a positive frame of mind and from desire to solve this, he might just be of great help in helping you overcome this issue.
Thanks, and I hope this helps. If not, please follow up.
And if you found my answer helpful, please rate me on this site and comment on my work.
A.I.
www.PracticalHappiness.com
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