About PracticalHappiness.com Expertise I can answer questions regarding how to deal with one's own jealousy and how to deal with the jealosy of the partner / lover and how you can liberate yourself from this destructive emotion.
Learn more about me and my work at www.PracticalHappiness.com
Experience I overcome serious jealousy issues with conscious work and effort, and that was a very liberating experience. I also helped several people to abandon their jealous behavior and line of thinking.
Question I'll try and keep this brief.I have met an outstanding and loving lady about 9 months ago and her aunt is so toxic and far beyond jealous.
You see lisa(my fiancee) and her aunt(sandy) had gastric bypass surgery about 2 years ago and sandy,who by the way makes critical and hurtful comments about lisa's weight"when was the last time you got on a scale" "you cut your scrubs again"...her scrub tops are a little tight...etc etc has reached her goal weight,is due for surgery in november and lisa is still having a hard time with it,i love her with every fiber of my being although her disrespect of lisa is killing me and i have made it very clear i won't stand for sandys hurtful remarks anymore.
The details are essentially unimportant yet they show validity to how much it hurts and ewffects me,lisa is very non-confrontational and passive therefore refuses to waste her energy on others.
Four or five months ago things got to the point i simply ignored her and distanced myself from her entirely,about 2 months go by and i tried to make ammends (in AA and sober over 5 years now)however she wanted nothing to do with it.I'm in therapy (4 1/2 years) for sexual abuse throughout my childhood(im 38 years old)therefore i know all about shame.
This has been a build up for months now and last week i mailed sandy a letter telling her about MY FEELINGS and how hurt i feel as a result of her shaming lisa.
I dropped lisa off at work and as i was leaving i knew something was on her mind,i asked her if she was ok, i then got an email from her telling me sandy is real upset from the letter and won't be going to our wedding.
I know this is killing lisa emotionally however what is so wrong with me speaking up for lisa....absolutely nothing.I love her and i wont allow others to treat her this way.
I'm at my wits end and i cannot deal with this woman anymore as a result of her denial and comeplete disregard for others and how they feel,not to mention how much it must hurt lisa to put up with her,sandy works for lisa.
Finally this is not the first time i have had to deal with her jealousy with me,before i came along sandy and lisa were essentially best friends,lisa now has a life therefore is not around for her as much anymore.
What am i to do with all this,this woman is causing tension and unbearable strain on our life yet it's as though i am the bad guy,im the one who caused all this,by the way io have NEVER ONCE disrespected sandy and still she is so $%^& clueless.
Please help me and or lend me the perspective from a womans point of veiw as to what i can do,how to rid myself of this anger etc etc etc....otherwise i'm feeling/thinking as though i have to back away from EVERYTHING up to and including our life together....shame kills and obviously jealousy is toxic to the point of corosivness to the core.
Rich Cooper
Answer Hi, Rich. Thanks for your question. Before I can answer it, I have to ask you - why do you care so much about Sandy's opinion / behavior and attitude? Why are you still concerned with what she thinks of you and how she acts. Do you guys live together? And.. how otherwise is she affecting your life?
