How to Deal with Parents Interfering with Your Relationships/Girlfriend's mom hates me (for no reason?)
Do not take advice from people with bad grammar! wrote at 2006-12-07 10:46:32
"you're" = you are
"your" = shows posession
Junnie Shermenti wrote at 2007-07-08 17:10:44
Im going threw this same exact situation. Im 18 years old and my girlfriend is 16. She cheated on me a few weeks ago and I was going to leave her because of it until I realized that it isn't who she really is, it was just a mistake she made. She made me realize that she really does love me, so I gave her a second chance.
Her mother was always fake to me, it was very clear to see since day one. As of right now, she won't let her daughter be with me. She forbids it. I tried to call her cell phone, stop by the house, and text her, but she keeps avoiding me. She won't tell me what it is I did wrong that makes her dislike us being together. Her mother is a very very miserable person. She is never happy. She sits all day long while her husband waits on her. She screams at my girlfriend about things that just seem absolutely ludicrous to me. The other night my girlfriend got into a terrible fight with her mother which lead to her mother leaving the house crying. She told her mom how she really feels about me. I thought for a moment that she left crying because she felt some kind of regret for treating me the way she does, but then I realized she left crying because she realized how pathetic her life has become. As of right now I am at a loss and have nothing left to do but just wait and pray things get better.
But honestly, this is the second time i've delt with something like this. The last time it didn't get better at all.
Whatever you do man, don't let her mother brainwash her. Her mother can influence her decisions so easily. She will pounce on the moment whenever she sees that you and her have gotten into a fight. I know it seems hard to avoid fights sometime, but be quick to apologize even if you didn't do anything wrong. Save your relationship with her. The last thing you need is for her to go crying to her mother because you hurt her and her mother to take full advantage of the opportunity and begin to take control of her mind. I wish you nothing but the best of luck. All I can really say is hold on because you are in the love and in the relationship with your girlfriend, not her mother. And if it's meant to work out, it will...
mominnewengland wrote at 2009-08-13 17:00:37
The mother just wants her to daughter to still love her and to still respect her, and to listen to her. You are in the wrong to pride yourself for your gf's listening only to your values now. You have become a wedge between your gf and her mother, and you need to realize that and stay out of being a wedge. It's wrong also for your gf to only stick up for you, she should stop that and let her Mom say what she feels without her daughter turning against her. It is like a Jerry Springer show mix of dynamics. If you want real happiness for your gf, let her also love her mother and relate NORMALLY with her mother without you in the middle as well as your gf loving you. She can have both in life. Don't go comparing the Mom's values with your family's values. That is just pitting your gf against her own family and if you love her you would not do that. Comparing is just making trouble. I have been there as a Mom with my son's gf. It took over 2 years for the girl to be nice to me. All Moms want is for their kids to love them, maintain a decent and loving relationship with them, no matter what sig comes in and out of their life.
Nick wrote at 2009-11-16 11:57:05
I am in a VERY similar situation and I would like to offer you some advice in addition to what Dennis has offered.
It seems impossible, but you must NOT take any of her mother's actions personal. As Dennis said, you are smart and have it pretty much figured out, but something else you should be ready for in the future is moving in together.
I discovered recently that my GF has lost "that loving feeling" and I knew immediately it was because she lives in a home where noone REALLY loves one another. Her mother has instilled THE FEAR in her, and she is afraid to move out into the world on her own. I told her that since she is surrounded by animosity and negativity, she can't love herself; how can she possibly love others?
i just spoke with her this evening and she understands that now, and has agreed to move out.
My point in all that is that this may eventually happen to you, if it hasn't already. If so, you must put all your strength and energy into getting her out of that situation. That's not to say for you to forbid her from seeing her family or even ask her to move out if she truly doesn't want to. But if she is just afraid of not surviving, or maybe her family dis-owning her, tell her that if they really love her and truly consider themselves her family, they will respect her decision and still love her. I say "them" when I mean the mom, as I do in my own situations.
Focus on loving each other, and building your healthy relationships with the rest of the family, while maintaining whatever courteous respect you can for the mother.
Eventually the mother will either give, or leave it alone; which either way, doesn't cost you or your gf very much. If the mother takes it beyond that, it's time to get a restraining order, although from the way you described her, I doubt she has the willpower.
own wrote at 2010-02-08 00:40:21
get the girl pregnant, ( you most be sure will get married to her, and have house and revenue ) not easy but what i like about life love, kids, money,
thank you and good luck
Ben wrote at 2010-06-16 23:04:45
I absolutely love how you have posted this, I have exactly the same problem now, I live a good distance from my girlfriend so canít see her every day, but my situation is exactly the same as yours, my girlfriends mother really has it in for me and it is killing me inside to think that I could lose my girlfriend, things have gotten so bad that we are now on a break, where my texts and phone calls are being ignored, I also randomly receive texts from my gfís phone which are from her mom, I know this as they are worded very slightly different, and always include my name and a single kiss,
Could you please tell me how you are getting on with your relationship now, as my relationship is / was absolutely perfect, when were together it is like I am living a dream with my girlfriend we have never had cross words in person or anything, but while she is at home I have no chance of being able to talk to her as I feel I am being bad mouthed by her mother with everything I do, Everything is so similar to your situation and I worked out the same things as you, but I still canít overcome it. How do I get these things to change?
Please reply with your thoughts and how you are getting on now, I feel a real need to know.
Tdub wrote at 2010-10-01 04:26:46
Take it from a married man. I am 33 years old, the looks decent wagoon didn't pass me by, I am an excellent father to my 2 kids (older one is step daughter), and my mother in law hates me.
You will always be dealing with her mother's emotional problems. Her problems will unwelcomely interject themselves into your lives again and again. No matter how wonderful your gf is, you must consider her family and her as one in the same when you are talking marriage. What's your Christmas gonna be like? Birthdays? Family get togethers? Thanksgiving? If your gf doesn't divorce herself from her family, and she wont, then you are marrying them too.
Carl wrote at 2014-12-16 11:17:48
So I Googled "her mom hates me for no reason", and this popped up. Coincidence.. I am in the SAME.. EXACT position. See, I am 23, and the girl I'm courting is 17. When we first met, it was instant chemical reaction, and we fell hard. Really hard for each other. We are all Christians, and she loved me at first. She was so happy that I was a Godly man and that I was going to protect her daughter.. but the hate became gradual ever since I stated my opinions about the relationship. I plan on marrying this girl and already gave her a promise ring. Marrying her n less than a year to fulfill Scripture
Same exact story. She puts on this face when I'm around, she talks nice to me, she puts on a good image.. but when I'm not around, all she does is condemn me. She doesn't have a reason either! Her reason is "I have a check in my Spirit about this boy", there's much better out there for you. Now granted.. I'm not wealthy by any means, and she is the most beautiful girl I have been with. Tiny little blue eyed, golden haired (blonde), perfect skin, nice chest area. I feel the favor of God for winning her heart. Literally. It is a constant scream fest when I am not there at their house. They always yell at each other and disrespect each other, always in debt, and there is no husband in the house. I literally think she is insane. She's part of the "spirit filled" church.. so she screams at the top of her lungs in tongues (have not witnessed it myself but I have heard stories about it). I am completely polite, I quote scripture in a loving manner when I speak, I back up my beliefs and views with scripture, I smile all the time (optimist), I show protection and affection fohter, and i still dont understand why she hates me so much... I don't know what to do in this situation. I'm not allowed on her property, I'm only allowed to pick her up and take her to my house for my parents only support it if we show we are following Cbrist. So my dad, being our marriage councelor set rules and we are following them
I think she also feels that she is loosing control, and she loves to display her power. She knows that I'm gonna be the guy that takes her daughter away and she hates me for it. She doesn't even want to be a part of the wedding (we are making plans at this point). She pushes other guys onto her Nd same thing.. she turns them down because she doesn't want to lose me. I want her mother to be part of our lives but she is totally removing me from hers. I know it will work out for the good of those that love God, but in the meantime what can make this transition smoother?any thoughts?