How to Deal With Relationships in the Workplace/Not sure what to do


Hi I met my coworker about a month ago and since then we've talked to each other a number of times at lunch and got to know each other quite well.  I asked for her number and when I texted her to see if she wanted to go to a cafe with me, she apologized, said that she had something to do after work, and said maybe next time.  She's a polite and quiet person so maybe she didn't want to make me feel bad by saying no outright.  I thought the subtle signs she gave me like glancing at me and then looking away and smiling were signs of attraction for me but maybe I misread her.  I mean when we talk during lunch, she looks down at her phone a lot texting or looking at facebook so maybe she's not interested and I have to initiate a lot of our conversations.  I'm not sure what to do next.  Any suggestions?

Hi Jon,

Life is meant to be lived not thought about.  She said, "maybe next time."  To me, that is not a rejection of going out with you ever; it meant not now, try again later.

That she texts when you are with are is not uncommon.  That's a commonplace thing these days; folks can't put down their phones and just focus on what's happening in the moment.

My suggestion is that you ask her out again.  This time, don't text her and ask her out; do it face to face.  The next time you two are at lunch or talking at work, ask her out.  While texting is a safer option, it is much less personal.  Face to face, you'll be able to read her body language and determine the sincerity of her response, particularly if she declines the invite again.

I wish you well.  Take care.

Alice J. Bogert  

How to Deal With Relationships in the Workplace

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alice bogert


I can field questions related to employee-employee relationship issues as well as employee-manager relationship issues.


I supervised staff at the county and federal level for over 25 years. I have extensive experience dealing with employee disputes, management employee disagreements, morale issues, managing change, etc. I teach a variety of leadership and conflict resolution classes.

National Association of Retired Federal Employees, Business Women of America.

I have a Masters Degree in Sociology.

Awards and Honors
Three Quality Step Merit Awards for Excellence while employed with the federal government. Numerous awards for training classes I've done.

Past/Present Clients
Private industry, Los Rio Community College District, federal, state and county government

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