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How to Deal With Relationships in the Workplace/Over exaggeration on dating and working at the same time?

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Question
My boyfriend and I have been going out for 6 years, I applied for a job were he works because it's really hard to find a good job that's not fast food, working at the mall or retail where I live. Once I told him about the interview he had a melt down. He was saying the job is really shitty,the pay sucks, and his worried about us not having enough time apart and about how I'll react to him being flirty with other girls he works with. Also he doesn't want to see people talk bad about me. (Him saying that makes me think his cheating...)

I know I'm probably being inconsiderate about his feelings but I really don't give two flying shits about his opinion on the matter. (Mostly because if I'm jobless I know he won't be super generous about things I need like one time when I didn't have a job I asked him to buy the cheapest soap that wouldn't make me break out it cost 2 dollars but he flipped out.)Interviews now and days are like gold. We went to school together I figure it would be the same, dealing with childish customers and co-workers, seeing each other in the halls every now and again. My question is if working together in the same area would be really destructive to our relationship, or not?

A side note is, that it's not like I'm crazy about working with him either I'd imagine I would say something and he would say. AMBER why'd you say that?! If a group of girls dislike me I'd imagine him saying what did you do, or see I told you it would be bad to work here. And if I complained about the job he'd say I told you so! even thought that's any workplace. Once he get's negative about something he sets his eyes on all the negative and over exaggerates the situation if he doesn't like it...also is it bad that I told him all this?

An example of this is I wore this short skirt and he said I wouldn't like that and every 5 seconds he was talking about how short the skirt was and how guys were looking making me irritated that I wore the skirt or when someone he hates is hanging out with us his whole day goes down the drain even if that person isn't interacting with him or being a jerk to him.

Answer
Hi Amber,

I think you know it probably wouldn't be good for your relationship if you landed a job where your boyfriend works.  You've given several examples that speak to a common workplace being an irritant for both of you on a number of fronts and possibly a relationship killer.  By the way, I think you've made a giant leap to assume he's cheating on you because he discouraged you from working at his job site.  My guess is he flipped out because he, like you, knows this would cause relationship issues for you two.

I understand jobs are tough to find these days; however, so are good relationships.  So, if you value the relationship with your boyfriend and don't want to add more drama and stress to it, I vote you cancel the interview and look elsewhere.  Mall jobs don't pay well, but depending on the shop, you do get perks like discounts on merchandise, and what woman wouldn't welcome clothes discounts or soaps/beauty product discounts.  

You have a difficult decision to make.  Whichever way you decide to go, weigh the pros and cons of each and be sure you are willing to accept whatever fallout results from the decision.

Take care.  I wish you well.

Alice J. Bogert

How to Deal With Relationships in the Workplace

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alice bogert

Expertise

I can field questions related to employee-employee relationship issues as well as employee-manager relationship issues.

Experience

I supervised staff at the county and federal level for over 25 years. I have extensive experience dealing with employee disputes, management employee disagreements, morale issues, managing change, etc. I teach a variety of leadership and conflict resolution classes.

Organizations
National Association of Retired Federal Employees, Business Women of America.

Education/Credentials
I have a Masters Degree in Sociology.

Awards and Honors
Three Quality Step Merit Awards for Excellence while employed with the federal government. Numerous awards for training classes I've done.

Past/Present Clients
Private industry, Los Rio Community College District, federal, state and county government

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