How to Deal With Relationships in the Workplace/work place


I worked in place where a guy was showing from time to time that he liked me.Now that I'm finished working there,I contacted himself and someone else.To see how they are because, it's been a long time since I've seen them.Patrick in his reply is saying to call in to them to say hello.The guy that liked me in his reply he say's ''any luck getting some work,must meet up and get you a cup of coffee one of the days''.I'm just wondering about the part were,he says ''must meet up and get you a cup of coffee one of the days''. Does he mean meeting up in were I used to work,for a coffee. Or meet up outside of work for a coffee.When a guy says that I'm I to take it he's been meaning to ask me out for a coffee.Or because it's been a while from working there its just a friendly way of putting it.To drop in and say hello and have a coffee.What way does it come across to you?

Thanks for yr help

ANSWER: Julie-Ann,

I have no idea what your friend's intention was when he made that comment to you. You didn't say whether the contact you made with each was by phone or text. The difference is the voice can give you better clues about the sincerity of the person's words.  At any rate, when the comment came up about meeting for coffee, I'm wondering why you didn't say something like, "that would be great.  When is good for you?"

Since you didn't do that, you have two choices now.  Wait and see if he calls you or call back and say you have some free time in between job hunting and you're wondering if he is free to go for a coffee to catch up.

The workplace gives us an easy place to socialize and be around other people.  Sometimes when one is out of work, the lack of interaction with others that the workplace provided leads to loneliness.  If you're experiencing some of that, enhance your circle, join clubs, go to the gym, church, volunteer, etc., where you can meet people who share common interests and can help with feeling isolated and alone.  

Take care.  I wish you well.

Alice J. Bogert

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: This was by e-mail my reply back was, ''coffee sounds good''at the end of my e-mail.I haven't heared anything since. I'd say its left up to me follow up on by dropping into them at work,if that is what is ment.He refers to me as Julie with my name being Julie-ann.He has for ever called me that,since the day I started.The e-mail from me was to asking how he is.He replayed back with ''Hi Julie, how are you doing? All good here.Any luck in getting some work,must meet up and get you a cup of coffee one of the days''. He could of put it another way ''you should drop into us some time,for a coffee''. So it had me wondering when he put it '' must meet up'' and no mention of is it in work or somewhere outside work.Coming from a guy that likes me.

Thanks for yr reply

Hi Julie Ann,

Since your original contact was by email, I'd prefer you make contact again by email. My suggestion is to send an email and say, "I have some business that would take me close to your workplace on ________ of next week (add whatever days you prefer in the blank space).  Any chance one of those days will work for us to meet for coffee or lunch?"

If he responds with a "yes," go for it, finalize where and when. If he says the offered days won't work, email back you're open to other days and ask what other days might be better for him.  Depending on his response, you'll have your answer as to whether there's interest on his part.

I don't advise dropping in on his work prior to sending preliminary emails as above.  In the event he is not interested, it will likely be much less embarrassing for you in an email than during a face to face contact at his job. A lot could have happened since you've left the job; perhaps he's in a relationship with someone either at work or outside of work.  So make it easy on yourself and do some groundwork as noted above to check interest before deciding to drop in at his job.

Take care.  I wish you well.

Alice J. Bogert

How to Deal With Relationships in the Workplace

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alice bogert


I can field questions related to employee-employee relationship issues as well as employee-manager relationship issues.


I supervised staff at the county and federal level for over 25 years. I have extensive experience dealing with employee disputes, management employee disagreements, morale issues, managing change, etc. I teach a variety of leadership and conflict resolution classes.

National Association of Retired Federal Employees, Business Women of America.

I have a Masters Degree in Sociology.

Awards and Honors
Three Quality Step Merit Awards for Excellence while employed with the federal government. Numerous awards for training classes I've done.

Past/Present Clients
Private industry, Los Rio Community College District, federal, state and county government

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