How to Deal With Relationships in the Workplace/Office crush



I have been working at this non-profit agency for a few months now and I have an interest in a woman whom Iíll call ďMaryĒ who works in another department. I first saw Mary when she helped me find someone elseís office when I first started working there. I was immediately attracted by Mary when I first saw her. Just recently after a few months on wondering how I could talk to her, the office had their annual employee appreciation party. Mary and I came without a date and when the night transitioned to dancing, I asked Mary to dance, not just once, but twice and she accepted both times. We talked while we danced and we had a great talk. She was very friendly and I think we had a connection. I mean she accepted both of my invites to dance and Iím the only guy she danced with. At the end, of the party I was with my fellow co-workers while she was with a female co-worker she normally works with whom Iíll call ďJaneĒ. My co-workers along with Mary and Jane started walking together. It was then Jane started talking to me and she expressed an interest in hanging out with me. However, I was hesitant as I didnít want to alienate Mary whom Iím most interested in. Jane though was making quite the impression as she was very outgoing as opposed to Mary. As the walk ended the two groups separated and I never thought to ask for either Mary or Janeís contact information. I havenít seen them since as they work in separate departments and it has been a week. I feel conflicted between Mary and Jane even though Mary is the one I am truly interested in. However, I know that Mary is the CEOís and CFOís personal assistant and that has prevented me from pursuing her as I heard that office romances are a bad idea. Mary is also in a position that is seen as one of power making me more hesitant. Co-workers tell me that Mary and I would make for a great couple, but again Iím hesitant having an office romance with someone who works directly for the agencyís main leaders even though I feel she is a match. Plus, I donít even know how she feels even though a co-worker thinks she may like me. This has caused me to see that Jane is the safer choice even though my heart is with Mary. I donít want this to be a love triangle in the workplace as I value my job. However, what should I do? I really like Mary, but I have no idea on what to do next.

Hi Jay,

I'm not one who supports office romances, so my advice is to find someone outside of the office. Join groups, clubs, church, online match-up sites, etc.

Office romances that do not work out make for too much drama in the workplace.  They cause conflict among workers, create morale issues, and sometimes even jeopardize jobs.  

Good luck.  I wish you well.

Alice J. Bogert

How to Deal With Relationships in the Workplace

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alice bogert


I can field questions related to employee-employee relationship issues as well as employee-manager relationship issues.


I supervised staff at the county and federal level for over 25 years. I have extensive experience dealing with employee disputes, management employee disagreements, morale issues, managing change, etc. I teach a variety of leadership and conflict resolution classes.

National Association of Retired Federal Employees, Business Women of America.

I have a Masters Degree in Sociology.

Awards and Honors
Three Quality Step Merit Awards for Excellence while employed with the federal government. Numerous awards for training classes I've done.

Past/Present Clients
Private industry, Los Rio Community College District, federal, state and county government

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