How to Deal With Relationships in the Workplace/Complicated crush


Hey there!
First of all thank you for taking the time to answer my questions.

So i started working at this brand new store in october and unfortunately i am falling for my co-worker,Adam.
He is everything i'm looking for in a boyfriend...but after working together for a few weeks i found out he's taken.
To be clear i'm not that kind of woman that'd steal him or ruin their relationship,but i don't wanna let him go either.

His behavior is confusing,like he always come up to me and sks what's up even if he already asked that question 30 minutes earlier.
He also takes boxes out of my hand for no reason...i've noticed he only does this to me,and of course when i lift something semi-heavy he alwys gets mad at me for not asking him to help me.

Everytime he talks to me he looks deeply into my eyes,like he wants to get into my head... He always smiles and giggles when i tease him.
He also touch me randomly or when our hands touches he never pulls it away,but an another co-worker sid he touches her back too...i've never seen do that to others though.He often says i am the nicest girl and he always tells me i do my job perfectly.

a few days ago i got mad at him and i was so mad i just straight up ignored him,he saw that i was nice to others and i was in a good mood but when he was in a room with me i barely talked to him and didn't look at him.
3 days past like that when he used my own medication on me,he did the exact same thing to me.When i was in the room with him he got really mad,like throwing boxes and stuff,everyone felt the tension between us...then he lost it and he asked me what's my problem etc.
We were yelling at eachother then he said he won't talk to me anymore,after my 30 min. break i went up to him and told him i was mad at him cuz he hurt me and it hurt beause he sid that thing and i expec more from him.He smiled and seemed like we are ok,but i wasn't sure so i texted him.
I apologized,told him i wasn't fair with him,he didn't text me back.
The next day he pulled me aside and told me he was busy and he left work at 11 pm,but he thinks i shouldn't have apologized cuz i was right.

the other confusing thing is tht we re the only ones at work that not friends on fb,i know it's silly but it seems like he kinda wnts distants due to his relationship but in the meantime he likes me.
At least that's wht i think...

So my questions are: Do you think he likes me?Wht should i do?
I really don't want to give up on him.
p.s.: it seems like he isn't in love nor it's a super serious relationship( when they are talking on the phone it sounds like two friends were talking)

Thanks for your help

Dear Alexandra,

I don't know if he likes you, but one thing is certain.  He is taken.  If he wanted to be with you, he would be asking you to do things with him outside of work.  That isn't happening.

People do all kinds of things at work to relieve stress, boredom, etc.  Employees flirt and banter with each other, make jokes with one another, etc. The reality is we generally spend more time with people at work than we do our own families. To confuse workplace banter for intended romance is a giant mistake.

My best advice.  Don't entangle yourself with someone who has a significant other. Whether you think it's not a serious relationship doesn't matter. Find someone who is unattached and available, preferably someone who doesn't work in the same office as you.  Workplace romances are rarely a good idea; if the romance ends, it presents multiple problems in the office.  Don't go there.

Take care.  I wish you well.  

Alice J. Bogert

How to Deal With Relationships in the Workplace

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alice bogert


I can field questions related to employee-employee relationship issues as well as employee-manager relationship issues.


I supervised staff at the county and federal level for over 25 years. I have extensive experience dealing with employee disputes, management employee disagreements, morale issues, managing change, etc. I teach a variety of leadership and conflict resolution classes.

National Association of Retired Federal Employees, Business Women of America.

I have a Masters Degree in Sociology.

Awards and Honors
Three Quality Step Merit Awards for Excellence while employed with the federal government. Numerous awards for training classes I've done.

Past/Present Clients
Private industry, Los Rio Community College District, federal, state and county government

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