Expert: Dennis777 - 12/3/2004

Question
Hi Dennis,
I'm 21, and have been at my current job for about 8 months. I am a receptionist and work in the office with sales. There is a "shop" where we fabricate our products. There is one guy, who's 34, in the shop that has told me numerous times that I am beautiful and how he's falling in love with me. Everyone knows it's a joke and I completely play it off that way too. He also jokes with my good friend in the office but not like with me.She kept commenting on how he's sweet but he's not attractive enough for her. I hate to admit it, but I also commented on it and how I would never be interested which I know is so so terrible. But now I almost feel as if I am developing feelings for him. I want to express them but I have already said so much "I would never" this and "oh please" that. I know I could say I changed my mind but my other issue is being judged by my other coworkers. You probably think I am the most shallow, superficial person but I'm just trying to be honest. This is a very small business and people talk so much about eachother, and I've always tried to stay away from that because I knew I wouldn't like it if it happened to me. I am an extreme introvert and have not been in a serious relationship in a long time. I normally keep all of my feelings inside anyways so I feel I cannot say anything at all, especially at work. I really am struggling with myself. I'm sure the answer is so obvious to you but I am feeling very torn Thank you in advance for any help you will be able to contribute to this situation. Sincerely, Nicole

Answer
Hello Nicole.

Sending you a Great Big Hug.

I don't think your shallow, in fact i think your very smart to know you can't just jump into this. There are a lot of things you have to look at before you make a move or if you make a move.

The first question that comes to mind is... Is he interested or is he just a nice Guy Flirt. I ask this because im one of the Nice Guy Flirts. I have always told the Ladies i work around how sweet they are and how special they are. Im not trying to pick up on them its just my way to make them feel good.

The next is... The age diffrence, if you did get together could you have the same friends and the same likes and dislikes. A relationship can't work if you both have your own worlds. You need your own space and friends but you have to share the main parts of each others lifes.

Don't worry about what you have said in the past because everyone knows it takes time for a friendship to grow. Many people don't like each other until they get to knwo each other better.

Last but not least... You work together and thats always a big No No. If you play and work at the same person you never get away from the person. If you have a problem at work its brought home. If you have a problem at home its brought to work. So if you honestly want to get into a relationship one of you would have to look at finding a new job.  

Now with all this said... If you want to get to knwo him better Go For It. Just take it very slow. Keep it as co-worker friendship at first until you get to know each other. That means NO SEX at first.

Good Luck
Dennis