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Question QUESTION: We have been married for 26 years and this problem has been off and on for the entirety of our marriage.
The honeymoon is when it started, no sex that night or for nearly two months after. There were times when I expressed my my needs and concerns, and things would change for a month or two, but there have actually been years between intimacy.
I have gotten to the point of thinking of this as a punishment, for what I do not know. I have always been faithful until recently when I discovered I am a very affectionate and considerate lover.
I feel bad that I am having an affair, but I honestly feel that I have been deprived from something I truly enjoy.
We have tried counseling, but she continually has an excuse, too tired, headache,all the usual. She has very rarely tried to initiate, and for 26 years of marriage we have had sex about as much as a normal 5 year marriage.
She is not the happiest person, treating every minor spill as the end of the world, and when her plate is full she will not eat.
ANSWER: what did the counselor say?
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: during the only two meetings my wife would go to, the Counselor told us to write out our likes and dislikes. I had mine filled out but my wife became irritated by the project and tore up what she wrote, and had nothing for the next session. My wife then said she no longer wanted to go to counseling.
ANSWER: what is your specific question?
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: I guess I am trying to understand why I am still with her.
I do want more, but she wants it to stay the way it is.
I want love and affection, not just sex, but to come to me and tell me that she loves me not just as a reply to my affection. I know it is bad that I have not been faithful, but I have found that I enjoy being loved by someone.
After 26 years of what we have had, I want to leave but I feel guilty, I have not put us in the best financial spot, and divorce would be a disaster financially.
Answer a) after 26 years, she's not changing; b) you're with her as it's comfortable, convenient, makes financial sense, avoids the guilt of telling her; that leaves c, the current arrangement, as the option of choice, and preferable to d, quiet desperation..
