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You are here: Experts > Health/Fitness > Women's Health > How to Deal with Sex Problems > position problems and more
Expert: Johannes
Date: 5/14/2008
Subject: position problems and more
Question
Hi,
My boyfriend and I lost our virginity to each other. So, I suspect we are a little clueless about what we are doing. We have tried several positions, but the only one that we can actually do is the missionary position. I am very self conscience, so I don't want to be on top, but I want him to get as much enjoyment out of it as I am. I tried getting on top a few times, but it seems like his penis won't stay in. Is there a certain angle that you are supposed to be at? It seems like it is so easy for everybody else. Also, we've tried doggy style. Just doesn't go in. Is there a factor in our heights? I am 5'8 and he is 6'1.
Also, I haven't had an orgasm yet. Not in fore play nor sex. I don't masturbate. I feel it is too weird. I don't know if that has anything to do with it or not.
When we do have sex, sometimes he just does not get hard enough. He thinks he is ready, and then he tries to go in, and it is like trying to put a marshmallow in a key hole. Then he gets all frustrated, and he doesn't want to try any more.
My boyfriend is the sweetest guy ever. However, he can be a little selfish. He always wants me to give him a blowjob or handjob before we have sex, but if I hint that I want a couple of fingers, he gets a little upset and sometimes acts like I'm the one who only wants to please myself. I have given a couple (at least) every night and I can't even tell you the last time he fingered me. Then when we actually do have sex, he cums too soon, so I really am not getting anything. I am one of the most giving people and I really love pleasing him, and I am the type of person who feels like I am in the wrong when I just want a little. He didn't have a problem sticking in a couple of fingers before we had sex.
We used to be really touchy/feely before we first had sex, but now, he just wants blowjobs. Sometimes I think he wants those more than he wants sex. He only wants HIS foreplay, and doesn't want to give me anything.
Like I said, we were both virgins, so neither one of us have any outside experience. I just want to please him, but I want to be pleasured as well. Sorry it is so rambled, I just have a lot of things that I am confused about!
Thank you so much for your time!
Answer
Dear Michelle,
Sex requires practice. The height, angle and position has little to do with it. And for young inexperienced couples like you, you may try to give it some more time.
Your main concern is your inability to achieve orgasm. I guess you may want to have your boyfriend read this too:
Orgasm in female is not as easy to be achieved as in males. It involves your emotions, imagination even fantasies. Your boyfriend has to know that you have to be sexually and emotionally prepared to have sex to achieve orgasm. That is where foreplay comes in. Before you have sex, manual stimulation of your clitoris may help you boost your sexual drives. Inserting his fingers inside will help you lubricate your vagina. He may also perform cunnilingus on you (that involves licking/sucking your vaginal area). As a man he has the moral obligation to make you happy sexually too. Sex is not all about fucking. It involves respect, love and care for one another.
Communicate with one another. Tell each other how and where you want to be touched. It would be better that way. The longer he performs foreplay on you, the greater chance that you will reach orgasm and the more you communicate, the more you will be familiar with each other's needs.
If your boyfriend comes too soon, you may let him lie on his back and ride him as if you are a cowgirl. But this time, do not let him do the thrusting movement. While his penis is inside of you, sway your hips to and fro or even in circular motion. Find an area inside your vagina that gives you maximum pleasure when touched by his penis. Close your eyes and visualize his penis inside of you.
If you are finding penetration difficult, you may hold his penis and guide it towards the opening of your vagina. If you are properly lubricated, that would be no problem.
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