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Question QUESTION: Some of my partner's behaviors have caused me to lose a bit of respect for him, which in turn has caused me to become very ambivalent about the relationship and turned off sexually.
He has no clue.
How do I regain the respect in spite of what I feel about his behaviors? He's a fantastic guy, but my body is betraying the lie I am telling about being happy.
ANSWER: need alot more information
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QUESTION: his porn consumption is a turn off. initially, i was okay with it and have used it myself in the past. now i feel differently and have just shut down. i am still loving things for him and do love him. however, this behavior causes me to feel that he is still behaving like a frat boy, which has caused the loss of respect.
about 3 months ago, i hadn't seen him for a week (we both travel a lot for work). i walk in, ready to lay it on him, and what's he doing RIGHT as i walk in the door? looking at porn. he didn't hide it, but he doesn't get it. i totally shut down and was ready to end it right there, but didn't. we had a romantic weekend planned and i forced myself to go ahead w/ it. when i eventually told him about this incident, he says he was 'priming the pump.' and this, to me, is part of the problem.
he has become so conditioned in his response and so 'into' porn (not addictive, probably average use by US males) that i feel like i've never worked so hard to get a man hard! it's starting to feel like work. my sexual response is practically zero; my cervix isn't lifting, i'm not lubricating like i used to with him...i am stuck and don't know what to do...thank you.
i don't want to break up, but asking him to change feels like a recipe for resentment for me and i don't know if it'll really make me feel better at this point.
the goods far outweigh the bads, but this bad has a lot of weight...thank you!
Answer i don't blame you...we could debate using the term "addicted", but no matter; he could easily develop a preference for the fantasy, as is most likely occuring here; your options:a) INFORMING him that his behavior is having a very negative effect on your attitude/desire, and needs to stop, but as u inferred, his resentment, and/or your knowing it didn't occur naturally, are drawbacks; b) acceptance/quiet desperaion, c)leave...i guess there's also d), where he does what he wants, as long as, 1) you don't know about it, and 2), all your sexual needs/wants/desires continue to be met...take your pick...
