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About Azure
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expertise: over 7000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work...technical editor, "dating for dummies";thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available uponrequest...life experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t enough...it`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and enlightenment...so tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks
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You are here: Experts > Health/Fitness > Women's Health > How to Deal with Sex Problems > Love my man, but hate his sex
Expert: Azure - 10/24/2009
Question
Hi,
I am in my mid-twenties and have been seeing a man in his early 40's for about 8 months now. I love him very much, and he loves me too, but we are having so much trouble in the bedroom. When we first started sleeping together it was painful for me because he is very well-endowed...but I took it like a trooper. As my body adjusted, I wanted us to spice it up a little bit. I love sex, and I love variety...I like it wild, I like to incorporate oral, and toys....and I like to get it very often.
Well, despite his age, he lacks sexual experience. In fact, it took forever before he gave me oral sex because he had never even done it before. But, now that he has done it, he does it to make me happy, but he gets so turned off by it that he cant even get hard for us to have sex after that.
It is obvious that I arouse him sexually, there's no question about that, but I think that with me he is like on sexual overload. When we first started having sex he could go for hours and I would be begging him to cum, now, when it's just getting good he can't hold it anymore. I really love him, and he is perfect in every other way. He listens, he's considerate, he shows me that he is trying and he really wants me to be happy. But, I love sex too....and I need him to really bring it in the bedroom. What can I do to help him with (and me) with this transition? Is there anything that can be helped, or is this something that I'm going to have to walk away from?
Answer
some parts might be changeable, some not; for example, his hang up as to the oral probably isn't changing; all you can do is discuss your preferences, openly and honestly, evaluate what he's ready/willing/able to do, or not; if he's extremely willing to consider adjustments, he might even consult a urologist regarding prolonging intercourse; after all this, you can then decide if continuing at this less than optimal sexual pleasure level is a dealbreaker, or not..
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