Expert: Johannes - 10/5/2009

Question
Hi,

I have been with my boyfriend for over two years we basically live together and our relationship is extremely intense we are so close. My boyfriend has a really high sex drive and has no problem getting in the mood whereas i just want a kiss and a cuddle and go to sleep. i just never want sex. I'm starting to panic and question our relationship, thinking maybe I'm bored of him personally not the sex. but i love him sooo much i couldn't be without him.

when its good its really good i just seem to never be bothered to get into the mood and sometimes cannot get into the mood however much i try.

are there any suggestions you have for me? i would be sooo grateful :)

Answer
Dear Emily,

Your situation is fairly common among those who people who move in together and spend time together for a considerable period.  I have no doubt that you really love your partner but the excitement of being with him as a sex partner is now the issue.  In situations like yours, people who live together start to see sex as a routinary activity instead of a thrill filled situation.  Let me ask you: What sets you to be in the mood for sex?

I have a case similar to yours not so long ago.  It was solved by doing simple things.  First they did the things that they had been doing before when they had fun and laughter togeher.  It may be as simple as eating donuts together and laugh at each other because someone made a big bite and had difficulty chewing it.  Also, they made a schedule for their sex.  It made them look forward to that date making them more excited as that day nears.  Sometimes they did it earlier because they can't wait any longer.  But in anyway, it helped improve their sex life.

You may do the same.  The two of you may go out one night have a romantic dinner (when was the last time did it?) or even just have a bottle of beer and let him hold you in his arms.  Let him give you a gentle massage.  Your situation may be seen as worrying but it is not. All you to do is just be imaginative so you can bring back the thrill of sex in your life.

Good luck and God bless...