Expert: Pete - 10/10/2009

Question
hi
I hope I found a right place on the net to ask my question and raise my concerns.

I am 30yo man and have been married for 3 months. My wife is 30 too and we are both catholics and waited to get married. We are both successful, highly educated and have lovely families.

We get along well, have a deep respect for each other and love each other and each other company.

However, I have one problem. I can't get an erection with my wife.
We do a lot of foreplay I massage her, fondle her, use my hands on her privates. I can see she enjoys so much and is having orgasms.
I can't get an erection at all. I tried to masturbate while playing with her, she tried the same, nothing worked.

I believe I don't have any physical problem. I wake up every morning with a strong erection and can get one any time I want (when alone)and masturbate to orgasm any time I want.
I am very fit and healthy, do exercise, not drinking, no smoking, no junk food.

I tried not to masturbate for a week hoping it will help me have an erection with my wife - nothing happened.

My wife is supportive and understanding and says it is fine with her saying she enjoys my touch and my company and all is fine.

However, I am very embarrassed and feel I am failing as a lover.
It is affecting me a lot as I can't concentrate at work, feel stressed and started to dread Saturday mornings when we usually try to have sex.
I assumed that since I am healthy and have erection, once when I am with my wife, everything will be fine and natural but it is not.

I really don't know what to do.

any advise will be appreciated.

thanks
Mark  

Answer
Hi Mark

Thanks for sharing with me.

From what you have told me, it appears that you have some sexual performance anxiety issues that need addressing.

Most men along life's journey become performance focused through what they pick up from firends, media and often porn.

In reality, everyone should be pleasure focused.

So, stop and change your focus.

You know what you need to do to please your partner sexually - and if you are not sure, just ask her.

Slow down and enjoy the experience of being intimate with your wife.

You will have a strong erection in no time and be able to use it when you allow yourself to become focused on the pleasure you are receivinga and giving.

Let me know if you would like to discuss this further via Skype.

I wish you well

Pete