AboutPete Expertise I am an Australian clinical hypnotherapist and counsellor who can answer all questions to do with male sexuality and questions relating to intimacy.
No problem is too big or too small. You can ask in total confidence.
Experience Comprehensive experience in hypnotherapy and counselling in Australia over a number of years. I have two very successful clinics that cater for people what to make permanent positive changes in their lives.
Organizations Full Member Australian Association of Clinical Hypnotherapy & Psychotherapy
Education/Credentials Bachelor of Arts Degree, Post Graduate Diploma of Education, Diploma of Clinical Hypnotherapy, Graduate Diploma of Psychotherapy & Counselling
Past/Present Clients I do not discuss past or present clients
Question hi pete, im not sure if this is your area of expertise or not but here goes anyway....ive been going out with my boyfriend for 8months now, and while he wil be the 4th guy ive been with, hes really only the 2nd who this has really meant something with. however, we have tried to have sex a few times now but to no avail and really its starting to stress me out. hes only been with one other girl and that was a 1night thing with a friend, so i know hes not that experienced and needs a little help, which i do give. however, the problem is the actual act of sex. every time we get around to trying after alot of foreplay, he just cant seem to keep hard enough to be able to enter me, even if he was incredibly so even a few seconds beforehand. also, a few times we have tried and he just cant seem to get inside me, i know that sounds silly, and i have tried to guide him, but short of getting down and having a look he seems quite baffled...we have to use condoms as im on medication that interferes with my contraceptive pill, do you think having to stop and put one on is putting him off? i do everything i can to help him and to reassure him, but to be honest theres only so much before i start to think its me...please can you help me? thank you so much :)
Answer Hi Laura
Thanks for sharing with me.
I'm sorry it has taken a while to write back, I have been swamped with work.
It sounds to me as you and your bopyfriend need to take things slowly.
A rule of thumb is if he can get hard during masturbation he will be ok during sex once he is more confident about what is expected of him.
If he cannot get hard at all he needs to see a doctor.
He is probably very nervous about sex and wants it to be "perfect". The longer he thinks this way, the more likely it is for him to have problems with his erections.
He should become pleasure focused.
This is what I suggest.
Get him to refrain from masturbation and all forms of porn for a couple of days before you next attempt sex. This build up of desire will help.
Give him a gentle neck and shoulders massage as part of the foreplay. Then get him to give you the same. This helps reduce stress and at the same time build in to your lovemaking intimacy which is vital.
Then get him to give you 30 minutes of oral sex using his tongue and fingers. Most women need this to be really ready for sex and it also teaches him to slow down and become pleasure focused.
Guide him - tell him what you need him to do - he probably has no idea what you need from him.
When you are really wet and ready for sex, and he is ok get him to mount you missionary style (it is one of the easiest positions) and get him to slide inside of you. by all means guide his penis with your hand if it is necessary.
There should be no hassles with his erection.
Remind him often that you love him and that you are ok with taking it nice and slow.
