AboutAzure Expertise expertise: over 7000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work...technical editor, "dating for dummies";thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available uponrequest...life experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t enough...it`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and enlightenment...so tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks
Experience top expert at expert central.com...extensive background in psychology, social work, life experience...
Education/Credentials B.A. Bates College (psychology)...graduate study Fordham University School of Social Work
Question Hello,
I have been with my boyfriend exclusively for about a year and before that we were friends for about 6 months. The sex was great in the first few months of dating, then things began to get serious and the sex became less and less. We are very open and talk to each other about everything. I have asked him if there was a reason or if there was anything I could do differently that would excite him. His answer is always that he thinks the world of me and that it is his issues and nothing to do with me. He claims in the beginning, it was simple and just sex, but now he says he feels emotional towards me and it makes sex "weird". He also blames it partly on being out of shape and has a fear that he cannot perform well enough for me.
We are both in our 30's and have been married once before with no kids when we were in our early 20's. I have told him I loved him before and he is not quite ready to say it back, which doesn't bother me. He states how he feels about me in other ways. However, I did receive the infamous drunk dial from him after a poker night with the boys in which he claimed how much I meant to him and that he loved me.
Every other aspect of our relationship is great and we do have sex just not as often as I would like.I am quite certain he is not cheating, he doesn't look a at porn very often and he is very open about everything if I ask, so i guess my question to you is do men really have difficulty with sex when emotions become involved and how can I help?
Answer i don't buy his response--increased emotions don't lead to less sex or "weirdness", lessening emotions do, as well as other possibilities, including physical/psychological issues or greater addiction to porn than you know of, or less sexual desire for YOU; unless you want to live this way, you need to INFORM him that the situation really isn't acceptable, and that his cooperation in actually finding a solution is now required; during the dialog, you need to find if he actually knows and admit to a reason--if not, seeing a urologist or couples counselor are recommended; the bottom line is he's either giving you excuses or has a significant issue that needs looking into--to find out, you need to make this a bigger priority...you must be joking...totally unfair ratings...you wrote about a problem, i gave you an avenue toward solution; just because you don't like the message, is no reason to disrespect the messenger..
