You are here:

How to Deal with Sex Problems/23 and can't keep an erection


I am a 23 year old male just got out of a 3 year relationship in which I had sex a lot. Met a new girl and the first time we tried to have sex, I couldn't keep my erection. The second time I was hard about 50 percent of the time and after a handful of other times I could stay hard for however long it took. I have no body issues and definitely not ashamed of my size. But I am scared to pick up girls and bring them home because the first handful of times with a new girl, I just go limp. This has happened with the last 3 girls, never happened before. It's just embarrassing and I want the first time to be good. Any way you can help me would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance!

Hi Ryan,

For all of us, sex is in large part mental.  If we put too much pressure on ourselves we can easily talk our selves into problems.  If we begin to worry about being able to perform,  we can convince our selves that we can't.   Also, if we convince our selves that sex in wrong, unclean  or if we are convinced that our partner is the wrong one, it can have devastating effects.  

First thing I would suggest is for you to think back to the first few times it did not work.  What was the circumstances?  What were you thinking at that time?   There maybe an obvious connection.  Look for it.  Were you thinking about your ex?  Was there some feelings of inadequacies?  Are you over her?

Take the pressure of yourself.  Don't force the issue by being in a hurry to have sex.  If you see some thing that might be creating your issue, look at it calmly and put the circumstance in perspective.  Then decide to move on from the issue.  Give yourself permission to have fun.

If you can not work your way past this, you should seek out a therapist to talk with.

Good luck.

Tom Blair
Relationship Coach

How to Deal with Sex Problems

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts


Tom Blair


Sexual Relationship Coaching. Published author. I am comfortable answering questions dealing with most areas of sex.


Sexual Relationship Coach Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Internationally read author. Retired Educator All relationships are based on having certain needs being met. Healthy relationships are ones where there is a mutual meeting of these needs. Respect, honesty, communication are just some of those needs When those needs and others are not being met, the relationship will fall into disrepair. Together we will identify those needs and work to correct the imbalance. It is not too late, love can be rekindled. And it can last a life time.

Sexual Relationship Coach Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Internationally read author. Retired Educator

©2017 All rights reserved.

[an error occurred while processing this directive]