How to Deal with Sex Problems/Sex first time


I am 18 year old. My bf wanted to have sex with me. but I refused.
The reason is I am worried of pain as I have heard from my gf.
Now i wanted to ask: Is having sex really painful? How is the pain like? How long will the pain last? Few days? Will my vagina get hurt that i need to see doctor? Please answer me as soon as possible. Thank you.

Hi Jenny,

Before we talk about the pain of the first time,  I want to talk to you about the reason for the first time.   

It should be because YOU want to NOT your boyfriend.  You are 18,  there is no hurry.  You have a life time to find and fall in love with the one for you.  If you are thinking about having sex because he is pressuring you,  the answer should always be NO.

Second,  PROTECTION.  You can get pregnant the first time.  You can catch a serious disease the first time.  So be smart, be safe.

Now for the pain.  Let's assume for a moment that you are sexually aroused and therefor moist or lubricated.   In such a case the pain can range from barely noticeable to discomforting.  But rarely would it be severe.  And the discomfort should not last very long.  The pain comes from the tearing of the Hymen.  In fact the hymen can be torn through any number of activities from physical activities to insertion of objects into the vagina.

Now,  if you are not aroused and not lubricated, the walls of the vagina can be injured with forceful entry and forceful thrusting.   That can be more painful and last longer.  If the penis or other object is very large or the vagina opening is small or constricted, tearing can occur.  That also would be painful.

In general, if you are aroused and lubricated, there should be minimal pain that will not last long.  Just don't allow the guy to force himself into you when you are not ready.  No should mean NO!

Good luck,

Tom Blair
Relationship Coach

How to Deal with Sex Problems

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Tom Blair


Sexual Relationship Coaching. Published author. I am comfortable answering questions dealing with most areas of sex.


Sexual Relationship Coach Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Internationally read author. Retired Educator All relationships are based on having certain needs being met. Healthy relationships are ones where there is a mutual meeting of these needs. Respect, honesty, communication are just some of those needs When those needs and others are not being met, the relationship will fall into disrepair. Together we will identify those needs and work to correct the imbalance. It is not too late, love can be rekindled. And it can last a life time.

Sexual Relationship Coach Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Internationally read author. Retired Educator

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