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How to Deal with Sex Problems/unsuccesful penetration, age factor and vaginismus


I have been married for two months,  i'm 32 years old and still virgin till now because my husband's penis could never get inside my vagina. i have read about vaginismus and i'm afraid i suffer from it. what should i do? does my age contribute to the problem? maybe my hymentgets too thick or not elastic with age?

Hi Bella,

I am not a medical doctor.   Let me ask you a few questions.  Is your husband able to achieve a firm erection?  Are you able to insert anything into your vagina, fingers, toys?  If you insert your fingers into your vagina, is the opening flexible, pliable or more rigid?  Before you try penetration are you becoming fully aroused?  Moist?

Anxiety and fear can cause the vaginal opening to close up tight.  If the vagina opening is pliable and stretches with the insertion of fingers then you may be having a stress reaction, especially if you are not getting moist.   To counter this, try a love making session where you do everything except penetration.  Take your time and enjoy the touch, feel and taste of each others body.  The object here is to take the stress and anxiety of penetration out of the equation so that you can relax and enjoy the lovemaking.  During these sessions insert fingers into the vagina, taking it slow and easy.  After a couple of these sessions if you are getting very excited and you notice a less rigid opening and a most vagina remove the fingers and insert the fully erect penis.

If your vagina is never soft and pliable you should see a Gynecologist. If you are experiencing pain, a lot of pain, upon penetration you should see a doctor.   

Good luck and enjoy the lovemaking.  

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Tom Blair


Sexual Relationship Coaching. Published author. I am comfortable answering questions dealing with most areas of sex.


Sexual Relationship Coach Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Internationally read author. Retired Educator All relationships are based on having certain needs being met. Healthy relationships are ones where there is a mutual meeting of these needs. Respect, honesty, communication are just some of those needs When those needs and others are not being met, the relationship will fall into disrepair. Together we will identify those needs and work to correct the imbalance. It is not too late, love can be rekindled. And it can last a life time.

Sexual Relationship Coach Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Internationally read author. Retired Educator

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