How to Deal with Sex Problems/Arousal problems



I am a 22 year old male. I am a virgin but I have made out with a lot of women in the past. Most of these women were not really attractive and I did it just for the sake of it.

I get a hard on and even get precum before the make out but while making out it feels nothing. I almost feel like an observer floating out of my body observing the act and feeling nothing.

My make out sessions have been very sparse and spread out over months.

Is it because I'm focusing too much on doing the act right while doing it? or is it because the girls I have made out with were not that attractive to me ?
Or maybe it has something to do with being too sensitized to porn.

The day after, I feel sort of guilty. Sometimes even while making out I feel turned off and feel like stopping.

I personally feel like there is no connection and it is merely a physical act that I'm doing just for the sake of it. Maybe it is the lack of a genuine attraction to the person that is turning me off. Or maybe I am a sensitive man with low testosterone. I can't figure out what it is.

Please help.

I'm sorry that your sexual history consists of making out with unattractive women.  Maybe many men would find them attractive but you're simply too narrow in your tastes.  Learn to like average women, because that's what most women are.

It is normal for your penis not to enjoy when other parts of your body are getting attention and it isn't.  That's usually what happens when making out.  You can enjoy the feeling of touching and kissing a woman even if your penis isn't being stimulated.  If you really don't like it, suggest to your partner that you move on to genital touching.  More than likely, your partner wants to touch and be touched in the genitals.

I think your problem isn't testosterone or anything like that.  You're simply not enjoying what you're doing.  You seem like you'd rather be doing something else with someone else.  Work on enjoying what you're doing with the woman you're doing it with.

Feel free to ask me more questions!

How to Deal with Sex Problems

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Doug Adams, Ph.D.


I can answer questions in any area of sexuality.


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