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How to Deal with Sex Problems/I can't orgasm during sex...

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QUESTION: I don't know what's going on. I can watch porn and make myself orgasm but for some reason, at the hands of other people its near impossible, even with toys, extra stimulation etc... i have this BIG mental block or something. Relaxing doesn't help. I've been getting myself off from a very young age, so is it possible I've just desensitized myself?  Can it be fixed?

ANSWER: I'm sorry, but are you a male or female?
I can't tell from your name lol and the answer differs somewhat from one gender to the other.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I am female sorry i did not specify lol.

ANSWER: So, let me get this straight, you are saying that you can masturbate no problem, but can't reach orgasm during sex. Now, when you say sex, does that include oral, foreplay, clitoral stimulation?

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Yes... i don't understand,  when i masturbate it takes seconds but during intercourse including all the fun stuff on the side i cannot get off and if i do it takes an extremely long time.

Answer
It's a trust issue...orgasm is one of the most vulnerable moment/state a person's in...it would appear that you have problem trusting- whether knowingly or not.
I would hazard a guess that you hate losing control of a situation- especially in front of other people.
My suggestion is to try wearing a blind fold, have the light off, during sex play next time, and see what develops. This will only work if you can stay blinded the whole time without cheating/removing the blindfold.
You can also see a sexual relationship counselor for this issue if one is available.

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Johnny St. Tai

Expertise

We often ask questions of the unseen and unknown, but most of the times, we're the ones that hold the key. I'm a counselor in family/sexual relationship, anger management, and self help, and have been for upward of ten years. I'm here to help you see the blind-spots that you've missed, and guide you toward the light. I'll research your problem/s/ and maybe even offer phone counseling if you so desire. Don't ask me about future, I haven't bought my crystal, haha. Don't ask me medical questions, without examining your medical history and person, I cannot answer such- best to seek out a local professional to be safe. Sex is a wonderful thing, so let us try to make it so.

Experience

Ten years of professional and voluntary counseling works have shown me much. I have walked with many others through various issues, some obvious and simple, some nearly impossible to imagine.

Organizations
Richmond Chimo Crisis Center

Education/Credentials
Interpersonal/Social Relation Specialist, University of British Colombia Socialwork, 2005.

Past/Present Clients
Over 500.

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