How to Deal with Sex Problems/low male sex drive

Advertisement


Question
I have left my boyfriend of 21 years.  We got together when he was 17.  The entire time he has had a low sex drive.  We have gone as long as three months without having sex.  At the end we were averaging about once every 3-4 weeks.  I could probably have sex almost everyday.  This extreme & constant rejection has been the greatest sadness of my life.  I made my dissatisfaction with this issue very well known.  He did not have trouble achieving an erection.  I found porn on his computer twice in the past 18 months or so.  I left our home of 15 years with only a backpack full of stuff.  I also left behind 7 pets that I love very much.  For these reasons I am contemplating trying to get back together or maybe suggest sex therapy, but I am very apprehensive. I can't imagine where he is suddenly going to find the passion to make love to me spontaneously when in the past I was at the bottom of a huge list of chores.  I appreciate any advice you can offer.

Answer
One thing to realize is that sex drive is like how much each person can eat...some people eat like horses...some people just simply can't...and some people eat eight meals a day, while some can do with 2 a day.
That being said, it's important to find out if he does masturbate and about how often- depending on how honest he is with you, you can actually ask him this one right out.
If he doesn't even masturbate much, then you simply have to accept that he is just naturally low on sex drive, it's who he is, no amount of therapy can change it- and it's totally up to you to want to live with it or not.
Everything has two sides to it...lets say you find someone with super high sex drive, that person may find that you are not enough for him and thus try to cheat with other females.
Think carefully...after all, while sex is important, it is not the whole picture.

How to Deal with Sex Problems

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Johnny St. Tai

Expertise

We often ask questions of the unseen and unknown, but most of the times, we're the ones that hold the key. I'm a counselor in family/sexual relationship, anger management, and self help, and have been for upward of ten years. I'm here to help you see the blind-spots that you've missed, and guide you toward the light. I'll research your problem/s/ and maybe even offer phone counseling if you so desire. Don't ask me about future, I haven't bought my crystal, haha. Don't ask me medical questions, without examining your medical history and person, I cannot answer such- best to seek out a local professional to be safe. Sex is a wonderful thing, so let us try to make it so.

Experience

Ten years of professional and voluntary counseling works have shown me much. I have walked with many others through various issues, some obvious and simple, some nearly impossible to imagine.

Organizations
Richmond Chimo Crisis Center

Education/Credentials
Interpersonal/Social Relation Specialist, University of British Colombia Socialwork, 2005.

Past/Present Clients
Over 500.

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.