How to Deal with Sex Problems/Perception about Sex

Advertisement


Question
My boyfriend and I have been in a steady relation for 3 years. We are even thinking of marrying next year. I have had a good sexual relation with him, not very frquent but not very infrequent too, say once a week. However there is something that is bothering me. Sex means a way of expressing my love to him, but recently my boyfriend told me sex for him is absolutely unemotional and detached from love. He loves me a lot and shows his affection n passion for me in many ways like holding, touching, kissing, hugging etc. However his drive for sex is not a lot. Partly i feel is because he is in medical school and works 13 hours a day and secondly because its so unemotional for him he doesnt feel the need to fulfill it. But my concern is, he is a guy, Dont all guys have desire? He could be depending on porn? Will I have a pathetic sex life? He does tell me when we have sex he enjoys it and loves me..but why doesnt he ask more? Why isnt it attached to his love for me? Why doesnt he want more from me? Is it because he is so busy? Im so confused. also he has admitted to watching porn. Just an FYI. Thanks for your help

Answer
the porn thing is usually a red flag; it certainly can "desensitize" emotions, and it can take away his desire if he's masturbating a few times a week; when you do it, does he spend alot of time giving you pleasure using his hands/tongue?..does he kiss you passionately during intercourse?..does he make you come?...you need to have an in person open/honest conversation with him, where all the fears you expressed to me are expressed to HIM; if he refuses to honestly address your concerns, you're with the wrong guy....you don't have to settle for less than you deserve...

How to Deal with Sex Problems

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Azure

Expertise

expertise: over 7000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work...technical editor, "dating for dummies";thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available uponrequest...life experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t enough...it`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and enlightenment...so tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks

Experience

top expert at expert central.com...extensive background in psychology, social work, life experience...

Education/Credentials
B.A. Bates College (psychology)...graduate study Fordham University School of Social Work

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.