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How to Deal with Sex Problems/Boyfriend doesn't orgasm during intercourse

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Question
Hi,  I have been dating my boyfriend for 8 months now.  I am 40 years old, he is 49.  We love each other very much, everything is going great, including our sex life.  Except for one thing... he rarely orgasms during intercourse.  He has no erection problems or libido problems.  His libido is actually pretty high.  He reaches orgasm fairly easily with my hands and oral sex.  But to me it does not replace an orgasm during intercourse.  I miss it a lot, and I am pretty self conscious about it now... We have talked about it a bit, and he reassures me it has nothing to do with me, rather with the girth of his penis...  Nothing he or I can "fix".

I find it unfortunate to have that dissatisfaction with our sex life, especially since everything else is so great and our attraction to one another is amazing.  One of us ends up a little sexually frustrated when either he hasn't reached orgasm even after an hour of love makind, or I feel discfunctional for not being able to help him reaching his orgasm during intercourse.  

Do you have any suggestion?  It is a sensitive subject to discuss with your partner without hurting someone's feeling...  

I guess it would be worst if the problem was a premature ejaculation...

Answer
HI Joanne,

This is a bit of a reversal.  Usually I get questions about when the woman does not achieve orgasm. You mentioned that the problem seems to be his girth.  Is he really huge,  or not?

My assumption is not.  In either case and even if the problem was that you were not achieving an orgasm the answer is probably the same.....   Position.  I suggest you try experimenting until you find a position that causes the underside of his penis to be in contact with you.  Usually on the underside of the penis on the shaft about an inch below the head there is a spot similar to the G spot for women. It does not take much stimulation there to achieve orgasm.  Often a slight shift of position will get the desired contact.  For instance, in the missionary position, if you place a pillow or two under your butt, that will allow him to lower himself so the penis makes more contact.  The underside with the opening to the vagina and the head to the forward wall of the vagina.  An added benefit is that he might be stimulating the G spot for you.   The fun thing is trying new positions.  Variety is the spice.  Here is a link to a page where you can find several books (and more) that might give you some ideas.  Click Here

Good luck and have fun,

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Tom Blair

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Sexual Relationship Coaching. Published author. I am comfortable answering questions dealing with most areas of sex.

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Sexual Relationship Coach Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Internationally read author. Retired Educator All relationships are based on having certain needs being met. Healthy relationships are ones where there is a mutual meeting of these needs. Respect, honesty, communication are just some of those needs When those needs and others are not being met, the relationship will fall into disrepair. Together we will identify those needs and work to correct the imbalance. It is not too late, love can be rekindled. And it can last a life time.

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Sexual Relationship Coach Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Internationally read author. Retired Educator

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