How to Deal with Sex Problems/sex problems

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Dear Azure, I'm a woman and have been in a committed relationship for a year. We plan to get married in 2014. My man is intelligent, charming, kind, thoughtful and handsome. However, he has lost interest in intimacy. We hold hands in public, kiss and hug, but, in private, we don't engage in physical love. He's reluctant to talk about this issue and has not shown much initiative in working on possible contributing factors such as his weight problem and trying to quit smoking.  Viagra hasn't helped us.  On the plus side, he's very attractive to me and a total turn on. I love him, love his company and cherish our times together. But, our problems with sex are beginning to frustrate me.  He has asked me to let him initiate sex but he's yet to do so.  I ended a sexless marriage, and in my dark moments, I fear that I might be headed for another disappointment. On some days his lack of sexual interest in me feels like a deal-breaker. Any suggestions for bringing up the subject of intimacy with him?  Nothing I've tried has worked. Thank you for any advice you might offer.

Answer
"on some days"?..why on earth would you want to sign up, again, for quiet desperation?..it's amazing you're even still there; unless you want to live this way, you need to INFORM him that this is no longer acceptable, and that it needs to be fixed in order for this to continue; why he hasn't realized this is amazing as well; so, he needs to begin to seek help, beginning with a good urologist, and including a therapist that specializes in sexual issues; but 1st, he needs to know that unless this changes, you're out; an open, honest dialog where he finally realizes this,  begins to accept this is MAJOR, and starts really talking about looking into solutions, is the first step;  

How to Deal with Sex Problems

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expertise: over 7000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work...technical editor, "dating for dummies";thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available uponrequest...life experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t enough...it`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and enlightenment...so tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks

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B.A. Bates College (psychology)...graduate study Fordham University School of Social Work

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