How to Deal with Sex Problems/Pain during sex



I'm a normal 23 year old woman who just wants to be able to have sex with the man she loves.  Unfortunately my body disagrees and we physically can't have any intimacy because penetration is unbearably painful for me. I've had antibiotics,  an internal,  a laporoscopy and even came off Depo Provera and had the coil fitted to see if that helped and the doctor can't find anything medically wrong with me that could cause pain,  so I have no idea where to turn.  I think I'm broken!

I don't masturbate as I get no pleasure from it whatsoever so I don't know if the problem is with me or my boyfriend.

Do you know if there are any other causes of this pain?  Psychological or emotional perhaps?

Any advice or input would be appreciated.


Hi Katie,

Vaginismus, painful intercourse, can be the result of several psychological issues.  The most common are: sexual abuse or rape,  believing that sex is dirty or wrong, and tension or stress.  Rape or sexual abuse is a much more difficult issue to deal with and often requires lengthy therapy.  The other two are much easier to deal with.  The basic process is to give your self permission to relax and enjoy the sex.  I recommend a safe and effective hypnosis program to help you relax and to accept the pleasure of sex.  I recommend this program  Hypnosis Downloads  .

Another possible cause is that you are not aroused sufficiently.  If you guy is not into foreplay or if he is in a bit of a rush, he could initiate penetration before you are ready.  That can cause painful intercourse.  Is your boy friend open to giving you oral sex?  Slow lengthy oral sex can not only give you a mind blowing orgasm but it can also prepare you for painless intercourse.  You said that masturbation was not your thing because it did nothing for you.  I think you should learn more about what turns you on and the best way to do that is self exploration.  If you goo to my sex coaching web site you may find some information that can help you understand your own body.  There are several books and DVDs on my  The Intimate Couple store.

Good Luck,

How to Deal with Sex Problems

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Tom Blair


Sexual Relationship Coaching. Published author. I am comfortable answering questions dealing with most areas of sex.


Sexual Relationship Coach Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Internationally read author. Retired Educator All relationships are based on having certain needs being met. Healthy relationships are ones where there is a mutual meeting of these needs. Respect, honesty, communication are just some of those needs When those needs and others are not being met, the relationship will fall into disrepair. Together we will identify those needs and work to correct the imbalance. It is not too late, love can be rekindled. And it can last a life time.

Sexual Relationship Coach Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Internationally read author. Retired Educator

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