How to Deal with Sex Problems/ED


Hello my name is Aaron I'm 23, and sexually active. For the past tree weeks I've been having problems becoming erect wile laying down on my back. The same situation when I'm on my knees bent down as if I'm crawling. I'm a gay male and when I go down on my partner i feel like it doesn't excite me. Even when I miss him I can't seem to get erect. It only happens when I'm laying down or on my knees while I'm going down on him. I'm a top I penetrate him and I'm finding it really frustrating not being able to stay hard. I have to be in the standing position to become erect and that's never been a problem for me. I've always been able to get aroused with no problem and now I can't seem to do it. What could be going wrong?

Dear Aaron.

Erectile dysfunction is mostly caused by failure to have an erection in earlier sexual encounter. This previous experience can be carried over to later engagements.  This means that a person who had failed once may fear that he would fail again.  So the next time he has sex, he may consciously or unconsciously try to prevent such rather embarrassing situation.  So instead of focusing on the the intimacy of sex, he will focus on his erection.  By doing so, he becomes stressed out  and the more he tries to have an erection, the more he will fail.  

This may had been your case.  You see we cannot will to have an erection.  It is a combination of psychological, physical and physiological processes.  Because of your age, I doubt if you have problems on the physical and physiological sides of it.  In the previous cases I have encountered, I have asked the partners not to engage in sex immediately but rather spend sometime caressing (or gently massage) each other's different non-sexual body parts like the shoulders. tummy and hands or arms.  This can make you more relaxed and allow the emotional side of sex to build up. Never mind if you are going to have an erection or not.  What you need to put in your mind is you are going to spend some very intimate moments with your partner.  Focus on your emotions but not on your performance this time.

Good luck and God bless.


How to Deal with Sex Problems

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I have the ability to give mature and appropriate responses to questions regarding adolescent and early adulthood sexuality. Inquiries regarding gay and lesbian activities will be answered without moralizing on my part and will be purely gender sensitive.


I am a clinical psychologist with an MA in Counseling as well as a college educator who specialize in sexuality, and had been doing lectures, seminars and actual classroom teaching regarding the topic for more than 15 years. I also have a weekly radio program that listens to sexual, emotional, social and personal problems of adolescents and young adults that they themselves cannot discuss openly with peers or members of the family

BS-Psychology MA-Counseling

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