Question Hi. I am 34 and in a new relationship and have had sex a few times now. My boyfriend's oral sex technique doesn't give me an orgasm, and I haven't had one through intercourse, either. I have no trouble having orgasms by myself. What can I say to him without hurting his feelings that I don't like how he performs oral? (He applies too much pressure and doesn't stay on one spot long enough.) And how can I orgasm during intercourse? I don't enjoy being on top because I am overweight and not good at it. I have given him a tiny bit of direction, but I guess not enough. I don't want to have to fake orgasms with him. He already feels badly that he's not getting me off. This is frustrating!
Answer To answer your first question...just tell him...like in a fun way...when you're having sex...tell him to obey you for a bit...direct him...
Don't be shy, if you're already having sex, the time for being shy is over.
And telling him will benefit both of you...he learns what you like...you get what you want...
As to your second question...have you ever orgasmed during intercourse before?
We often ask questions of the unseen and unknown, but most of the times, we're the ones that hold the key. I'm a counselor in family/sexual relationship, anger management, and self help, and have been for upward of ten years.
I'm here to help you see the blind-spots that you've missed, and guide you toward the light.
I'll research your problem/s/ and maybe even offer phone counseling if you so desire.
Don't ask me about future, I haven't bought my crystal, haha. Don't ask me medical questions, without examining your medical history and person, I cannot answer such- best to seek out a local professional to be safe. Sex is a wonderful thing, so let us try to make it so.
Ten years of professional and voluntary counseling works have shown me much. I have walked with many others through various issues, some obvious and simple, some nearly impossible to imagine.
Organizations Richmond Chimo Crisis Center
Education/Credentials Interpersonal/Social Relation Specialist, University of British Colombia Socialwork, 2005.