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How to Deal with Sex Problems/I have NO sex drive, feelings of guilt


Thank you in advance for answering my question(s)

I'm a 24 year old female, and have been with my now Husband for 6 years. I have no sex drive, and it is now causing problems in my marriage. I have no desire for sex whatsoever. I hate the thought of having to do it, but I do anyway because I know it's important to him. He isn't happy with just this...he wants me to enjoy it. He says he is starting to feel like "a failure" because I can't be pleased, but it is not his fault. I can't get him to understand that. My thyroid levels are normal.

I have low self esteem since having our first child 3 years ago, and this is the biggest issue
I can't take off my shirt during sex or I will focus on how much I hate my body, sometimes have a mental breakdown. He says I'm beautiful and he hates that I wear the shirt, but I just can't help it. I feel like without it, all hope of enjoying sex is lost.

I have these extreme feelings of guilt and shame if I enjoy sex. I feel so awkward. I feel so dirty. I was not raised in a religious home. Before my child, almost everytime I had sex I was under the influence, and now I am never. It's different being sober. I never had inhibitions under the influence, and obviously now I do. I never realized I felt so badly about sex. If I have an orgasm then I just feel like, well, a slut. I don't know why, and these feelings I have make me feel awful. I don't know what turns me on. My Husband has asked, but I don't like him trying to please me anyway...feelings of guilt. Talking about sex is a huge turn off for me.

Please, this is affecting my marriage so badly now. I want to fix this, but I don't know how and I don't know what to do. What can I do? How can I make my Husband understand it's not his fault? How can I make him understand it's not because I "don't find him attractive"? I'm at such a loss.

Gaining understanding won't save the relationship, you need to deal with these issues you are having with sex- because what you are experiencing is definitely not healthy nor normal.
If you truly desire to save your marriage, you must start seeking therapy and sort out the how and whys of what is happening to you.
Because if you don't make progress, no matter how understanding he gets to be, things won't hold together for long.

How to Deal with Sex Problems

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Johnny St. Tai


We often ask questions of the unseen and unknown, but most of the times, we're the ones that hold the key. I'm a counselor in family/sexual relationship, anger management, and self help, and have been for upward of ten years. I'm here to help you see the blind-spots that you've missed, and guide you toward the light. I'll research your problem/s/ and maybe even offer phone counseling if you so desire. Don't ask me about future, I haven't bought my crystal, haha. Don't ask me medical questions, without examining your medical history and person, I cannot answer such- best to seek out a local professional to be safe. Sex is a wonderful thing, so let us try to make it so.


Ten years of professional and voluntary counseling works have shown me much. I have walked with many others through various issues, some obvious and simple, some nearly impossible to imagine.

Richmond Chimo Crisis Center

Interpersonal/Social Relation Specialist, University of British Colombia Socialwork, 2005.

Past/Present Clients
Over 500.

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