How to Deal with Sex Problems/climax


Good morning Tom. I have an embarrassing issue. So my girlfriend had no problem having an orgasm when we first started dating, around 5 months ago. About a month ago, she started having difficulty having an orgasm to the point where its been about 2 weeks since she had one. This makes me feel like I am failing her. With my other girlfriends in the past, getting them to climax was NEVER an issue. Now, sex feels empty and incomplete. I don't know what to do as this feels like I'm doing something wrong. But before you ask, we do have foreplay, and have sex when she is truly into it and ready to go.

I am 35 and she is 27. Also, she does take medication for anxiety, Zoloft I believe. We have both looked up the side effects of this medication and it does indicates "sexual side effects such as lower sex drive and the inability to have an orgasm". My girlfriend keeps saying its the medication causing this. I know the meds have something to do with it, but it still makes me worry that in the beginning of our relationship she had no trouble climaxing while taking the medication. Am I over thinking this? What do you suggest I do about the way I feel, how I feel its my fault she can't climax? I am scared that this will eat me up inside and make me feel I can't satisfy her. Please help.

Thank you, Jared C.

Hi Jared,

Yes, you are probably over thinking it.  There a great many women that rarely have orgasms.  So, you are fortunate.  If getting her off is the issue, make that and only that your goal.  Learn from her what usually does it for her.  Many women get off primarily from oral sex.  If, however you state that to be your plan, she may feel undo pressure and make it even harder for her.  The secret to orgasms is to find the rhythm that stimulates her and keep it up  I might take longer for her now so find it and keep at it.  That is why oral works so well,  Find the tongue action the drives her wild and keep doing it until she screams.

Good luck,  

How to Deal with Sex Problems

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts


Tom Blair


Sexual Relationship Coaching. Published author. I am comfortable answering questions dealing with most areas of sex.


Sexual Relationship Coach Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Internationally read author. Retired Educator All relationships are based on having certain needs being met. Healthy relationships are ones where there is a mutual meeting of these needs. Respect, honesty, communication are just some of those needs When those needs and others are not being met, the relationship will fall into disrepair. Together we will identify those needs and work to correct the imbalance. It is not too late, love can be rekindled. And it can last a life time.

Sexual Relationship Coach Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Internationally read author. Retired Educator

©2016 All rights reserved.