How to Deal with Sex Problems/Oral sex and a boy


Hello Doctor Adams,

I am a 31 year old single woman dating and I had a question about oral sex. I usually can climax from oral sex and basically nothing else. Although in the last year I have been able to climax whlie on top of men and if I help myself along.

My question is...I have been hooking up with a guy for about a month and in that time I have given a lot of oral, like every time and I never get much from him. Never. And I have been thinking is it something I said or did or am I ugly down there, is it because he knows I have had a lot fo sex, is it because I have a kid. I know I don't smell bad because I checked.

He is bi-sexual. I don't know if he likes men or woman more. But he had told us at a party a great story about how he was in a club in Eastern Europe traveling and alone and lost. He saw a woman in a bar and gave her oral sex in public and fell in love with her and they spent a week together. It was so romantic sounding.  I was like "wow he has no issues with women's bodies" I even vocalized how envious I was.

Soooo when we started hooking up I started to think so what's wrong with me? Because we didn't have enough time I guess to even form a relationship enough to talk about the fact that he doesn't even touch me there.

How should I understand this because I have looked this topic up everywhere and can't find a thing where a man likes to give head to women but just not me.  He claims to love it.

On the last day I was filming him to remember and he immediately jumped to place his head in my lap and sort of pretend like he was licking me. He asked me "do you want me to go down on you". I of course said No because it felt forced from him.

I am sorry if this is not the type of question you answer but I didn't know who to ask and I don't really want to ask my friends but have you ever heard of this before and what do I do and what should I think?

Thank you Doctor.

I think the problem is him and not you.  You obviously know how to please yourself and please a man.  One of your questions is whether your current partner is more attracted to women or men.  If you are wondering this, then you must also know he will never be faithful to you, because you will never be both a woman and a man.  

You don't know if the story about Eastern Europe is even true.  Based on your own experience with him, he is not that same hero of the story he told.

You might ask him directly to give you oral sex and see if he does.  If he is experienced performing cunnilingus but won't do it for you when you ask directly, then I don't think he ever will.

If he really is inexperienced with cunnilingus and unsure about trying it, you could get dental dams.  They are a latex barrier (often flavored) that go between his mouth and your vulva.

How to Deal with Sex Problems

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Doug Adams, Ph.D.


I can answer questions in any area of sexuality.


I have been an AllExperts expert in seven other sex categories for over four years and have answered thousands of questions. I have also run a web site,, for over 13 years and have answered countless thousands of questions on that site. specializes in help for men with sexual dysfunctions.

I have a Ph.D. from one of the leading research institutions in the world in a field unrelated to sexuality.

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