How to Deal with Sex Problems/Sexual Development
QUESTION: Hello, I am a 21 year old male from the UK. I have Asperger's syndrome and don't socialise very much, and not at all with the opposite sex. But to tell the truth, although I do find women sexually attractive, I feel no inclination. When it comes to the act of intercourse, I am repulsed, particularly by genitalia and bodily fluids, so much so that I genuinely believe I shall die a virgin, which I am quite happy to do. Though this does not bother me much, it has perplexed friends and family. Is this normal for a young male, or is there something wrong with me?
ANSWER: Overwhelmingly, men your age want to have sex. If not with every partner who's handy, then with someone special as soon as they find one. You seem to have no experience at all with sex, yet you are foreclosing the possibility of ever having sex. Why don't you go out with a female (or a male) and see what it's like to be close to them, and then maybe the idea of having sex will be more appealing to you.
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QUESTION: Quite right, I don't have any experience whatsoever, the last time I had I girlfriend I was 7 years old. Since then there has been no social interaction with females of the same age as me. I've become accustomed to people asking about my sexuality, and I can state emphatically that I am straight. Judging from the debates I've seen on online forums, it isn't as bizarre as you would think for a male to be sexually attracted to women in every respect up to the act of intercourse, at which point I back away. Obviously, from an evolutionary perspective, this seems extremely detrimental. I have a hard time explaining my disposition to those around me, and the obvious implication is that I will have no children, but I don't want children anyway so that's not a problem. So it is not my own discomfort, but rather the comments of others, that has left me feeling like an anomaly. That and the fact that so many other young people are engaged in this behaviour, just makes it harder to feel like I have anything in common with my peers.
Just go out with a girl (let her take the lead) and do things that you enjoy together. Don't be repulsed when she touches you or holds your hand. Maybe you can kiss her and do other things that feel right. You will like it better having tried it than you do just thinking about it.