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How to Deal with Sex Problems/sexless marriage temporary or permanent???



My Wife (26) and I (25) have been together going on 8 years, we have a 6 year old and a 2 year old both girls and recently got married. She has been a stay at home mom since the oldest was born and does an awesome job. I am a heavy duty mechanic inline to become a supervisor. I make good money, enough to pay for everyone's hobbies etc. I generally sacrifice for all 3 girls to have what they need. I have no complaints being the primary bread winner, I love to work and being the support system for my family. We are a great team, neither one of us is perfect and generally we communicate very well and work through our problems together.

The biggest problem we can't seem to get by is her sex drive or lack there of. We were raised in very different homes when it came to displaying affection. My family would probably be classified very affectionate and hers not so much (parents slept in separate rooms). She has come along way in our relationship in that regard but is very disconnected when it comes to sex. She has little to no intimacy during intercourse. I know she is self conscious about her body, but I'm constantly telling her how beautiful she is and I don't share the same feelings towards it as she does. I had started keeping a calendar of how many times I was rejected for sex. Generally we have sex 1-2 every 14 days, sometimes well go 1 month or a little more with out it. When she drinks, she becomes a super horn dog. I have been in an out of a feeling of depression from constant rejection. Less lately due to the fact I have been approached by women showing interest. I have always been faithful, but it is frustrating knowing I am seemingly attractive to everyone but my wife. There is no spontaneity or intimacy anymore, when we do have intercourse to her it "just sex", she refuses to talk about it and gets angry whenever I try to. The only time I can get her to listen with out interrupting and lashing out is to bring up couples therapy. I love my wife and wouldn't want to be with anyone else, but I can't live in a sexless marriage. I have brought up a few times, that if she doesn't love me anymore she can have what she wants and we can co-parent our kids with out issue if that's what she wanted. Aside from therapy are there any other options out there?

It sounds to me that there are deeper issues with your wife if you talking about sex makes her lash out at you, so unfortunately, therapy is what I'd recommend and soon. Trying other things, avoiding it, will just make you two grow further apart, the more time you spend not doing it, the more won't get done and the more your relationship will break.
I think the two of you need to find a time when both are calm, and have a heart to heart talk, not about sex, but about improving your relationship through therapy/counseling.

How to Deal with Sex Problems

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Johnny St. Tai


We often ask questions of the unseen and unknown, but most of the times, we're the ones that hold the key. I'm a counselor in family/sexual relationship, anger management, and self help, and have been for upward of ten years. I'm here to help you see the blind-spots that you've missed, and guide you toward the light. I'll research your problem/s/ and maybe even offer phone counseling if you so desire. Don't ask me about future, I haven't bought my crystal, haha. Don't ask me medical questions, without examining your medical history and person, I cannot answer such- best to seek out a local professional to be safe. Sex is a wonderful thing, so let us try to make it so.


Ten years of professional and voluntary counseling works have shown me much. I have walked with many others through various issues, some obvious and simple, some nearly impossible to imagine.

Richmond Chimo Crisis Center

Interpersonal/Social Relation Specialist, University of British Colombia Socialwork, 2005.

Past/Present Clients
Over 500.

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