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How to Deal with Sex Problems/Does a bad first experience affect one's sex life for the rest of his/her life?


Hi. My first sexual experience was pretty lousy. It was actually forced and I ended up having partial forced intercourse without being turned on, which was also very painful. Both of us were inexperienced. Then I got blamed for not giving the guy a good time. He said he did not enjoy doing things to me (which were actually forcing me to have sex) and blamed me for the bad experience even though I never asked for it.

The second time I was with a guy, we could have intercourse unlike the last time and it was pretty amazing as the person i was with was gentle and affectionate.

Still the memory of that past experience keeps coming back and I feel like I am not good enough sexually despite being attractive and all. So my question is, does the first time really count as sex when I didn't break my hymen or even have an orgasm? Should I be sad that my first time sucked and feel like I am destined to live with a fearful attitude towards sex ?

a high percentage of people don't have a very satisfying first sexual experience; i would just consider it as a not so good experience because of being with the wrong guy, then let it go and see the second time as the example of how good it can be; in life we will have both great and not so great experiences--they say nothing as to who we are, but are more just examples of the joy/sadness that EVERY life encounters...

How to Deal with Sex Problems

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expertise: over 7000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work...technical editor, "dating for dummies";thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks


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