AboutPete Expertise I am an Australian clinical hypnotherapist and counsellor who can answer all questions to do with male sexuality and questions relating to intimacy.
No problem is too big or too small. You can ask in total confidence.
Experience Comprehensive experience in hypnotherapy and counselling in Australia over a number of years. I have two very successful clinics that cater for people what to make permanent positive changes in their lives.
Organizations Full Member Australian Association of Clinical Hypnotherapy & Psychotherapy
Education/Credentials Bachelor of Arts Degree, Post Graduate Diploma of Education, Diploma of Clinical Hypnotherapy, Graduate Diploma of Psychotherapy & Counselling
Past/Present Clients I do not discuss past or present clients
I am a 30 yr old female- and I have had problems in the past with penetration. I have read alot on the subject online- but no one really answers what I should do about it.
I enjoy many aspects of sex (mainly everything except for actual penetration). But when it comes time to be penetrated- I get very nervous, and penetration is either impossible (that happen 3 times) or difficult and painful for me-then I just want it over with. I have to say that I actually had one experience that ended up being much less painful (it got better as it went on)- and was actually somewhat pleasant after awhile. I dont know if that was because of the size, the wine, or the gentleness. And it wasn't that I knew him much better- that was on the 3rd date- we didn't see eachother after that- I always wonder if that was because of how I was. The pain is the most intense at the very beginning and then subsides to discomfort after awhile. Lubrications have also been used.
I have only had one GYN visit- several years ago- everything was fine- but the exam was very difficult and she did not complete the exam. I know I should go again- but I really don't want to deal with the check up or the conversation.
I have to question weather I was sexual abused- I do not recall any details- just a feeling- and I know that alot of my symptoms fit the profile. And have thought about hypnosis, and or counseling. I just really don't want to go- I am kind of shy- and this is a very personal subject- Writing an e-mail to someone I don't know is even difficult.
The history of my relationships was- I was in a long relationship 6 years when I was 18. We only had sex about 10 times in the time we were together. I always thought it was because of me- but turned out he was gay.- Yes I was tested for HIV.
Since him- I have only had sex about 10 times with 5 different guys( when I say sex I am talking about actual intercourse.) None of them were really relationships- just dating. I think I am afraid to deal with this issue so I tend to look for guys that don't want a commitment and just want to "makeout"- because I do crave the physical attention I just don't want to deal with this issue. So I figure if I am upfront about not "wanting to go all the way" then I can relax more and just enjoy the person. I feel like I am a 13 year old writing this- because I am much more mature in other aspects of my professional life.
It has been affecting all aspects of my life. I am not confident, I have unreasonable fears, and often times difficulty sleeping. I know this cant be the only reason but I am sure it is the main contributor.
What I want to know is if I can work on this on my own- by maybe dating and having sex more. Is this a matter of practice- and by breathing and reassuring myself that everything is okay- can I do this by myself. I really don't want till I find somebody I care about to work this out. I think it is a deal killer. Not that I am looking for a husband or soulmate- but someday I think I will be ready for something more serious.
What are your thoughts? I am looking for alternatives to traditional therapy.
Thank you for your time.
M
Answer Hi Monica
Thank you for sharing with me.
I think that it is very reasonable that you should get yourself an appointment with a doctor - female would be best. I have a strong feeling that there is more of a psychological element at play here than physical concerns.
It must have been a rather rude shock to learn that your first serious partner was gay and that there was the risk of HIV.
Many women need a lot of foreplay to enable them to enjoy sex. This means being open with yourself and partner about what your needs are and allowing yourself to enjoy the feeling that they create within yourself.
Throwing yourself into sexual relationships without there being a deep connection is not going to make the issues go away.
The support of a caring professional that utilises hypnosis as part of their counselling may indeed be most helpful for you understand why you cannot currently enjoy penetration. In turn, this will help with confidence and general self esteem.
I hope this helps. Feel free to ask me a follow up question if you like.
