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About Azure
Expertise
expertise: over 7000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work...technical editor, "dating for dummies";thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available uponrequest...life experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t enough...it`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and enlightenment...so tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks

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top expert at expert central.com...extensive background in psychology, social work, life experience...

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B.A. Bates College (psychology)...graduate study Fordham University School of Social Work

 
   

You are here:  Experts > Health/Fitness > Women's Health > How to Deal with Sex Problems > Relationship without sex

How to Deal with Sex Problems - Relationship without sex


Expert: Azure - 6/20/2007

Question
I am a 25 year old female and have been going out with my boyfriend who is 23, for three years now.  It started off very passionate leading up to lots of sex. For the last year or so he is uninterested in sex. He looks at porn once in a while. I try to initiate sex but he will either ignore it or say he is too tired.  When I try and talk about it he doesn't think it is a big deal,he is just too tired to do it.  It has been a few months since any thing sexual has happened.  He is a very loving partner and loves to cuddle every night. It just feels like we are 80 years old and have been married for 60 years. I am very sexually frustrated and don't know what to do next.

Answer
it's continuing because you're allowing it to; without physical intimacy and sharing affection, you essentially have a friendship; his excuses are bogus, as it appears he has lost all interest in you sexually, most probably preferring masturbating to pornography, or seeing someone else; your choices are an unfulfilled life of quiet desperation, or INFORMING him that the current situation is no longer acceptable, and that his cooperation and honesty are now REQUIRED in finding the root of the problem and solving it; he needs to also know that unless a healthy, regular, intimate, passionate sex life can be achieved, you're out; right off the bat, all the porn needs to go; i'd also strongly recommend couples counseling, as something is very wrong here...

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