Expert: Azure - 5/14/2006

Question
I have a problem on my hands and it's typical of married couples nowadays.  I love my wife I think she is soooo sexy.
About the past 2 years our sex life has gone down the tubes.  We have been together for 8 years and married for 1 year.  We also have a 3 year old son.  I seriously ask for sex every night and consistently get turned down. As I'm writing this it's been 2 weeks since any sex.  And yes, it's that bad that I have been counting how long it takes to have sex.  I constantly please her.  I'm know her G Spot and I can make her orgasm 97 percent of the time.  I would think with these stats she would want to have sex more often.  I'm just tired of the excuses,  I'm too tired, I have a yeast infection, I have my period, My stomach hurts.  I mean, when will she run out of things to complain about.  I may be a little selfish  but honestly when we first met, sex like 4 times a week.  Now I know we won't ever get back to that, but she is just not into it.  I"ll even light candles and she will still turn me down.  It's very frustrating and my will power and my sense of being a man are getting tarnished.  I think my parents have sex more than I do, and they have been married for 40 years!  What can I do to get her into it.  I've tried to ask to to role play, lingerie, anything to spark something.  It was like the honeymoon was enough for her.  We had phenomenol sex during that time.  I know shes not cheating on me because she usually doesn't go anywhere without me, and when she does it's with her sister and she's home by 10 pm.  She is so sexy, I love to just sit and wait for her to get out of the shower in the morning and stare at her.  She hates that but I would just love to throw her on the bed and make sweet love to her.  Another thing is that she does not go down on me.  8 years, she only tried it once   , on our honeymoon, and that was it.  I go down on her everytime, I love to do that.  And I know she doesn't fake orgasm because shes a gusher, if you know what I mean.  I'm starting to wonder if it's me or what. Please, what do I do for my sexy wife so she'll want to have sex with me?

Answer
maybe you're presenting yourself as TOO nice, TOO needy, TOO interested; stop asking for sex, stop initiating it, stop staring at her; you may be appearing as obsessed instead of challenging; see how long it will take for HER to ask about it, then give her one of the excuses she gives YOU; this "role play" will hopefully and ultimately lead to a dialog where she SEES the issue more clearly; certainly, there could be alot of reasons for her disinterest, including hormonal imbalances, medications, or, as i mentioned, her dislike of your attitude, approach, etc; however, though she may have a legitimate reason for her feelings, it is still her RESPONSIBILITY to engage in open, honest discussion about them with you, with the goal of re-discovering the missing passion, and up to YOU to INFORM her that the lack of such dialog is UNACCEPTABLE; if she still refuses to cooperate, CONSEQUENCES would follow, but that's for a later email;for now, adjust your approach from needy to "aloof", as stated above, let her wonder about it awhile, then continue as outlined..