How to Deal with Sex Problems/No Sex in Relationship


somebody wrote at 2007-11-10 21:17:51
To be honest I am in a similar situation with my girlfriend, we have been together almost 3 years now, and up until around 11 months ago our sex life was great, then all of a sudden no sex at all, but a friend told me its the sign that the relationship is ending, which is depressing as I love her.

Louise wrote at 2007-12-18 18:13:56
I know how you feel. My boyfriend is exactly the same. We have been going out for 3 years, and we do not ever have sex. I have addressed this with him but he says I am putting too much pressure on him. I have done everything I can. I have been caring, gave him space, asked to see a GP, asked to order viagra, but we still do not have a sex lfe. I love him, he treats me like a princess. He always says lovely things but we just dont make love. Its driving me insane and I have contemplated cheating just to make me feel good about myself. But thats wrong and I know it!

Thing is I just dont know what else to do either. I have lost so much self confidence too. I think about it every day and it sometimes makes me cry. But again, I dont want to give up...

Im in the same boat too...

CURIOUS wrote at 2008-03-08 07:21:29

lame wrote at 2009-08-25 05:02:25
Gee, it's really great you posted this whining on the internet for other people to read. Quite helpful.

brandy stoner wrote at 2010-04-27 01:46:03
I have the same problem.  I am 24 and my boyfriend of 3 years is also.  We have a great relationship, very trusting, loving, secure but for about the last year of our relationship we have almost stopped having sex all together. We used to have explosive sex and when we do have sex it is still absolutely amazing for both of us, its very apparent.  We have talked many many times about this and he just tells me that he doesnt think that sex should be the "save-all" for our relationship.  I asked him ok then what about our relationship is deflecting you from desiring me?  he says he still is attracted to me, he loves me very much, but still nothing.  I ask maybe a couple of time a week, and for a peroid of time I didnt ask at all to see if he would finally ask, but he never did.  I konw he still has healthy desires bc I know that he masterbates at least daily.  And this upsets me bc he has the desire, he has a more than willing partner whom is totally comfortable with doin anything he wants, but he prefers to look at porn in the bathroom in the mornings when he says he's showering.  It is really hurting to feel this way.  I want this to work, I have suggested many things to try that are new but nothing.  We still have other intimacy, but not actual sex.  I dont know what to do.  on one hand he is wonderful, he doesnt yell, cheat, he's a hard worker, and very intelligent, in fact he's in school right now about to graduate high honors in college.  To me this situation is a "dealbreaker".  I dont want to be in a sexless marriage or relationship.  If we could just get this one thing on track again, I think I would want to marry him, and same goes for him.  Any advice???

jimmyq wrote at 2010-05-01 13:31:46
you know Brandy I have the same problem. I'm not really sure why a man would have any problem pleasing his women. Having a a good women with a sex drive should be a blessing to him. If you are not physical with each other, lets face it, you're roommates.

here's my story about my "roommate"

I am 8 years invested in this and it has pretty much been the same for the entire relationship. there were a few good times in college when we were having sex a lot between classes, but that is gone now. I love her to death, been with her since I was 18 years old. I have had terrible sex for 7 of those years. One position with no desire to try anything new, and now we are living together and the lack of sex is at it's all time low. so, sex once in a blue moon and when I get it, it's awful? I know what you are thinking, why the hell am I still in this. I love her, we have the best relationship together and are the best of friends other than the lack of sex. I have had talks and talks about this and she says she wants it 2-3 times a week. Well, she is full of it.

When the lack of sex starts to consume your thoughts and that is the only thing on your mind, that's a problem. Just last night she went out drinking with her girlfriends came home a little tipsy and went to sleep. I have talked to many of my friends and the girl has confirmed that when they come to their boyfriend after a night of a few drinks, they want to get some action. Not my girlfriend. I have tried everything in the book. Suggested trying new things, books, websites, dirty talk, drinking together. I might as well have been out with my buddy watching sports.

I don't know how much more I can take.

Any thoughts?

Elvinkase wrote at 2012-11-19 04:33:39
I came to this website looking for advise and thankfully at least I see I'm not the only one. My girlfriend of more then 2 years has seemingly lost all interest in sex. When we met, our sex life was the best I ever had. She was willing to try new things, I was never left disappointed and she even initiated many times. Now, weeks can go by and unless I ask, no, basically beg for it, it won't happen. It has left me doubting myself even though I have always had confidence in my abilities to satisfy a woman. I find myself asking the same questions to myself in my own head. Am I attractive? Is she cheating? Has she lost respect for me? Have I failed her? Just like the above poster, my wife can go out drinking with friends until 4 in the morning and not be too tired to do THAT. But when I ask why she can't spend a Saturday night in bed with me holding me until our passion takes us away, she says "I'm just always tired." As this problem started I understood her arguments. The kids, bills, work, and other stresses are always on her mind. But as time has passed I look at those arguments more as easy excuses she uses to avoid intimacy. I have talked to her about it calmly, and sometimes even frustrated and angry if only to show her how serious I am about addressing this issue. She has told me over and over that she will work on it but its only talk at this point and I put no confidence in her effort. Now, worse, I am feeling the temptation to seek the intimacy outside of our relationship. This would ruin our relationship, but as time goes by, I feel there is no relationship there to ruin. We are essentially roommates who share bills, bed, and food. It breaks my heart because she is such a great woman in so many ways and I would hate to be without her. But I am feeling more and more, that maybe she would be happier without me.  

How to Deal with Sex Problems

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