Expert: Azure - 6/15/2007

Question
I was a virgin when I was married to him. And the hymn was also not removed. We tried for sex many time. And those attempts gave only pain to me. After two weeks only it went deep into my vagina. But still blood didn't flow out on that day. I didn't noticed whether there was any blood spots. Now I have no pain during sex, but still I didn't feel much enjoyment from that.

When my friends says how they are being treated by their husbands, I just felt like such a loser.I felt like I am the only wife out there sobbing inside every night for lack of physical affection. I felt I am just an object for him to fuck.

I feel rejected and not accepted by my husband. It doesn't mean he is a bad person.I love him so much, and I know he loves me too. But Why he is not as interested in intimacy as I am. I felt like I was begging for him to show me some affection...I wish if he truly cared about my feelings.  Sometimes it makes me feel guilty for wanting more.

It's difficult to be married to a wonderful guy whom I love and respect, yet he has little interest in intimacy. Why don't my husband find me attractive any more. Manytimes I guessed he didn't really love me. Maybe I wasn't pretty enough or sexy enough.I was too slim, smelled bad, looked bad. Maybe I wasn't a good wife. So I tried and worked to perfect.

I even went into counseling.I thought it was my problem.I've had talks with my husband about that only to have response "I had no sexual problems, if you had, you see a doctor". And that talk reached at the edge of a divourse.

I don't want to leave him and give up the life we've built together, but this is a big part of life.It hurts too much. It began to just poison other parts of our really good relationship.

I have finally accepted the fact that my husband and I are just wired differently.It just means he shows love differently and has different needs than I do.

Sometimes I doubt whether there is any defects in my vagina that I dont feel any enjoyment during intercourse. I get more pleasure from my clitoris while I am masturbating, than from sexual intercourse.

Now what should I do. Please help me.

Answer
you have one final talk with him where you essentially explain to him your feelings as you did here..you inform him that the current situation has made you very unhappy and is no longer acceptable, and that either he joins you in finding solutions to the problem (couples counseling is recommended), or it's over; sometimes, as in this case, love isn't enough...