Expert: Maggie - 5/19/2007

Question
I have no idea when i'm having and orgasm or if i have ever had one. I tried to masterbate to make myself have an orgasm because i don't think i have ever had one when having sex but i don't know if i'm masterbating right.
Help!! My boyfriend is coming to see me in a month and i want the sex to be great and i was to be able to orgasm and come. Also when do you know if you've come?

Answer
Hi,

If you ever had orgasms, you'd really know it. You get a special feeling (like heads in the cloud) and all so you generally know it. So I bet you might not have had one yet and you know what it's normal and not something to worry about.

There is no best techniques to masturbate. People enjoy different thing.So the key is really to experiment and find what is best for you.

Also, it's worth remembering that orgasm is just a small part of sex/masturbation. It's not what sex is all about, far from that. The whole process of it can be as much enjoyable if not more. So if you likes masturbating and get pleasure from it, then that's really what matter most. I'm sure over time, you'll finished by getting an orgasm. But try to not fixate too much on getting one, because that can really be orgasm inhibitory/keep you from getting an orgasm.

And same thing when you'll have sex with your boyfriend. If you don't orgasm it doesn't matter. As I already said, it's not what sex is all about. Also, it's a fact that most women don't orgasm from intercourse alone (when not coupled with other sex stimulation like clitoral stimulation), and it's also the case when having sex with new partner or having sex for the first time. We don't always orgasm everytime we have sex and that's okay.

Not orgasming doesn't mean you are not enjoying sex, that's something your partner should know.

Cum (or come in your case) is that same thing as orgasming. You'd get a special feeling, your vagina muscles may contract, but, contrary to boy, you won't have fluids coming out of an opening. But when you'll get an orgasm, you won't have to wonder if this was an orgasm or not, you'll know it for sure. Believe me.

Take care,

Maggie.