AboutPete Expertise I am an Australian clinical hypnotherapist and counsellor who can answer all questions to do with male sexuality and questions relating to intimacy.
No problem is too big or too small. You can ask in total confidence.
Experience Comprehensive experience in hypnotherapy and counselling in Australia over a number of years. I have two very successful clinics that cater for people what to make permanent positive changes in their lives.
Organizations Full Member Australian Association of Clinical Hypnotherapy & Psychotherapy
Education/Credentials Bachelor of Arts Degree, Post Graduate Diploma of Education, Diploma of Clinical Hypnotherapy, Graduate Diploma of Psychotherapy & Counselling
Past/Present Clients I do not discuss past or present clients
Question i wrote a bit earlier regarding a problem im having however i was not specific, i said i wasnt having good orgasms,, but what i failed to mention is that i feel no pleasure whatsoever , i know this problem hasnt always been this way,, my first sex partner had lots of sex and for about 3-4 months sex was great, and then died ,, then i was with a few girls for short times no intercourse but just playing around and then too i had great pleasure but im married now and i cant get the slightest pleasure in any form of sex though i have ejaculation and everything else seems normal aside from premature ejaculation i feel like im all alone and only one with this problem
Answer Hi There
Thanks for sharing with me.
Firstly let me assure you that you are not alone.
It sounds as if you are dealing with MOD (Male Orgasm Disorder) which is not often recognised simply because most males who have the condition are too ashamed to discuss it.
Here is a link that you may like to follow up which does a good job of discussing MOD:
The good news is that there are things that you can do. The first is go and see a doctor and get some tests done just to be sure that there is nothing more seriously wrong with you.
If the tests return negative, you should consider your options and think about doing some work with a counsellor who works in the area of sex therapy. Between the doctor, yellow pages, word of mouth, you should be able to find someone in your area that you can work with.
There are often deep seated issues to do with sex; and in particular the ability to enjoy sexual activity that is at the root of MOD.
I note that you say that now that you are married you can't get any kind of pleasure in any form though you are able to ejaculate indicates to me that physically all should be fine with you. You don't say how long you have been married and how things are with your wife sexually.
having PE Premature Ejaculation again can be caused by many factors.
In my experience most clients who seek help are often tired, stressed and have trained themselves to rush sex and get to orgasm as quickly as they can.
This gets them into trouble with their partners, because women do need more time to reach orgasm than males.
You need to be open with your partner about what is happening. The last thing you want is her to feel that it is all her fault.
Make sure that you take care of her sexual needs. You owe her this much.
A lot of therapists recommend the "squeeze & go" method or another version called the "stop & start" method" in which you work with a partner and do not have any sex until you learn to control the amount of time it takes for you to ejaculate.
My clients find that doing a version of this on their own via masturbation to be most effective.
Stopping when they feel they are getting close to the point of no return, having a short break then starting again, stopping then starting again etc until they get up to 10 minutes is a good starting point.
Males need also to realise that there are different sensations felt in the shaft and head of their penis: normally males spend most of their attention to the shaft during masturbation rather than the head, most penetrative sex places the most sensation on the head of the penis.
This means that you need to get used to this sensation for you to become aware of the build up of sensations in your body before ejaculation.
Keep an eye on your breathing patterns to monitor how you are going: breathing speeds up as you get closer to the point of no return.
And resist the urge to thrust your hips. Thrusting speeds up the ejaculation process.
Don't follow the average porn dvd/video where the guy hammers into the women like a machine gun: most women find it uncomfortable and it makes the average man ejaculate far too early.
Cow girl (women on top) is probably the best position to use without male thrusting.
Spooning is second best position. The lack of leverage helps slow done sex and gives you more control.
Missionary not so good for most because it is too easy to thrust to quickly.
Doggy style worst position (too much stimulation for the male.)
I hope this helps.
I realise that there is a lot for your to digest, so feel free to ask me more questions via a follow up question if you like.
