Expert: Joan Schramm - 1/23/2008

Question
Hope you can help.  We recently went through a departmental re-organization and I have been assigned to work for a DRAMA QUEEN.  She screams, she stomps, she slams phones, etc.  She is ruining what once was a peaceful, organized department.  She has fired several of the service organizations that do business with us, and many of my co-workers are looking for other jobs -- they can't take the abuse.  I feel sick to my stomach every day that I have to go to work.  How do you deal with someone like this??  Thanks for your help...

Answer
Margaret --

Thanks for writing. Work reorganization is a stressful time for everyone, and it's unfortunate that you now have a difficult boss on top of everything else.  

Drama Queens are a difficult type to work with. They seem to feel that life and work are more interesting when there is a lot of emotional upset or excitement. They actually get bored when things are too calm. Often, they like the "thrill" that comes with creating a crisis situation and then "solving" it. Your boss sounds like one of these people.

You should take this situation to HR. You should keep a log of incidents -- what happened, who was around, exactly what she said or did. Stick to the facts. Your boss screams at you, throws temper tantrums, and is creating a work environment where you can't function. If she is a problem for that many employees and colleagues, eventually someone will notice and she will be dealt with, so the fact that you have made your concerns known to HR may help. But that takes time.

In the meantime, stand your ground and don't let her get to you. That's a difficult thing to do, but realizing that the problem isn't you (and isn't personal, since she treats everyone that way) may help. You can't change her, but you can change your reactions to her. If she screams at you, stay calm and don't react. Smile. Be pleasant and upbeat, even in the face of her worst tamtrums. If she becomes verbally abusive to you, say, "Boss, I'm happy to take care of whatever the problem is, but I find it difficult to know how to respond when you use language like that. Maybe I should come back when you're less upset and we can talk about some options." She acts this way because it gets her what she wants. If you refuse to be drawn into her drama, then she might tone it down a little, at least around you.

Unfortunately, though, we all have to work with whatever boss we are given, and yours sounds like someone who is unlikely to change. So your best bet is to avoid getting sucked into her little dramas and just focus on the work for as long as you’re there. Get your resume together and move on. I hope that you have better luck in your next position.